Does it feel like you’re always the one chasing women, and just once it’d be nice to get women to chase you instead? After all most women expect you to start the interaction, to escalate, to show them you’re a cool guy worth talking to before they give you anything more than the time of day. It can feel like a lot of effort, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can get women chasing you almost instantly.
Women make the first move in getting men to chase them. They spend all that time every day on their hair, makeup, picking out an outfit, and avoiding that piece of chocolate cake for dessert because they don’t want to put on weight. She’s gone through all that to look and feel attractive, so it’s only fair for it to be our turn to actually get the interaction started. After they put in all this effort, it’s your turn to get the interaction rolling and approach.
As mentioned in previous posts a great way to get the interaction started is with a little banter. It allows for a fun, light, and playful interaction that will allow her to feel comfortable talking to you. From there you can transition to what we at the Art of Charm call qualification. The basic idea is to get her to qualify herself to you, and when used properly it will get her to begin chasing you.
Qualification is very simple. You just state that you’re interested in her, and then ask a question that leads her to try to win you over. For example say: “you know what, you’re cool” or “I like your style” then a simple follow up question that gets her talking about herself: “what’s your deal?” or “what’s something I wouldn’t know about you just by looking”.
There are a couple of levels that explain the effectiveness of qualification. For one, people’s actions shape their beliefs. If a girl is talking about herself in a way that’s trying to make you interested in her, it means she wants you to be interested in her. Even if she wasn’t particularly interested before, the fact that she’s “selling” herself in this way will make her become interested. If she held the belief that “I don’t like this guy” yet her actions suggests she’s interested, it creates a bit of cognitive dissonance and the easiest way to resolve it is for her to begin to believe “I want this guy to like me”.
By qualifying her you are also learning more about her and can then justify your interest in her. She knows you have a reason now to like her for who she is, not just what she looks like. People are simple, we all want to be liked. When you get her to talk about herself and then show a genuine interest in her, she’ll like you simply for liking her and finding her interesting.
There’s a lot more that goes into qualification which goes a bit beyond the scope of this post. Learning how you can reward women with positive body language and touching will create even more attraction and get women chasing you even harder. Next thing you know your nights out begin to look like this.
Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.
View all posts by Brian M →