How to Text a Girl

how to text a girlYou got a girls number, now what?  How to send that first text.

It can be surprisingly easy to get a girls number, but very few guys know how to text a girl once they’ve got it.  Guys often see phone numbers as a sign of progress and success, but have no clue what to do once they’ve got it. Then he finds that without a strong follow-up he likely won’t get a chance to see her again.

A girl may give out her number just to be nice or to get a guy to leave her alone, so getting a number doesn’t always mean much.  That’s why you need to know how to text a girl in a way that will separate yourself from every other guy.  This way she won’t confuse you with the guy at the bar she didn’t even like, and you’ll have an edge over the other guys who all send the same shit.

A common first text is something like “Hi, this is Jim from the club.  What’s up?”  This is a perfect example of how NOT to text a girl.  It’s the text she’s getting from every guy she met that weekend.  You want your first text to be different and to elicit her emotions in a positive way.  You want to be the one guy who gets her smiling right off the bat.

A great way to get her smiling while separating yourself from other guys is to use a nickname.  Maybe you can call-back to something you talked about in your conversation.  If you took our advice on bantering you can just recall the role that you put her in.  If you’re having trouble thinking of anything, we’ve come up with a few go-to nicknames that have worked great.  You can always fall back on: Luv Muffin, Little Ninja, Rainbow Brite, Ruby Ducky, Nerdball, or Jelly Bean. Go ahead and use them and as you feel more comfortable you’ll find it easier to create your own that are personalized just for her.

When you’re texting a girl, whether it’s the first text or the 30th, keep this in mind: emoticons are your friend.  Lots of guys shy away from them or think they’re girly.  Well, guess what, you’re texting a girl and girls like that shit.  Besides we’ve all had that experience where a text gets misinterpreted because whoever received it couldn’t judge the sender’s mood.  Emoticons help you avoid that confusion.  If she gets a text “I can’t hang out with you, you’re trouble” she might take that seriously and go into “fuck that guy” mode.  However a slight change to “I can’t hang out with you, you’re trouble ;)” can change the interpretation of the text entirely.

Plus, the picture of a smiley face will also activate her mirror neurons – which long story short are the parts of the brain that go off when she’s smiling and in a good mood.  By seeing that smiley face it will activate those neurons which in turn put her in a better mood and she’ll associate that feeling with you.

So when you put it together and allow yourself to have a bit of fun with it, your text changes from “hey what’s up” to “what’s shakin’ little ninja :)” or “hey luv muffin, what kind of trouble you causing today ;)”.  Try it out; it’ll increase your response rate for sure.

One last tip: if a girl gives you her number, use it!  Don’t be that guy who still follows the advice from Swingers and waits three days to connect.  In three days she’ll have forgotten you.  Text her within 24 hours in the fun, playful way you’ve learned to keep her feeling good about you.

After the first text you’ll need to keep her interested in you until you’re able to meet up again.  You’ll need to know how to text the girl enough to show you’re interested, but not so much you come across as needy.  You’ll need to know how to read between the lines in what she’s saying, how to lead the interaction, and know how to respond to whatever situations pop up (re-engaging after you haven’t heard from her, how to set up the date, etc).  We’ve spent thousands of hours perfecting all of this, testing on hundreds of women and have put all that knowledge together in our text book.  To get a head start and separate yourself from the herd, click here.

Brian M - author of 192 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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