How to Flirt with a Woman Without Being Sleazy

Guys are often curious to know how to flirt with a woman without coming across as sleazy or creepy.  To help, here are some examples of what a makes a guy creepy when he talks to a woman – and what you can do instead.  Follow these tips on how to talk to women and you’ll be able to make a charming first impression with the women you meet.

How to attract women with body language

One thing women find creepy in men is when a guy makes eye contact with a woman without ever blinking.

To avoid this common mistake men make when it comes to how to flirt with a woman, you want to focus on making the right kind of eye contact.  Avoid leering at a woman and focusing on one particular area of her with a hard, intense, unblinking stare.  Instead of honing in tightly like that, you can make women attracted to you right off the bat by using a soft, relaxed gaze that allows you to take more of her in.

One trick to making that kind of charming and inviting eye contact with a woman is to smile with your eyes.  That same feeling you get in your eyes after laughing really hard is the same feeling you want to recreate when making eye contact with a woman you’ve never met.  It projects friendliness and warmth which will get the girl interested in meeting you.

How to avoid being sleazy with women (with a slight shift in attitude)

So before you even approach a woman, it’s a good idea to ensure that you don’t have her up on a pedestal.  Keep in mind that looks are just a small piece of what makes women attractive and ask yourself: “okay, she’s hot, but what else does she have going for her?”  Is she fun?  Is she caring?  Does she have an interesting life?  Having standards like this will take her off the pedestal and automatically ease some approach anxiety.  It will also help you to naturally come across as a high-value man who is selective and confident with women, which will get more women attracted to you.

Now, there is a trick to how to go about finding the answers to these questions.  You don’t want to come out of the gate asking them as that can be overwhelming.  Instead, when you first start a conversation with a girl, get the ball rolling with some fun, playful banter (for more on how to start a conversation with a girl and how flirt with a woman using banter, check out the Pickup Podcast episodes on how to banter with a girl).  That will create a relaxed and safe atmosphere and from there you can ask questions that will have her proving to you that she has more going for her than her looks.  Questions like “what kind of adventures have you been up to lately”, “so what’s your deal?”, or “what do you do for fun” will keep a fun, light vibe while giving you a chance to learn more about her.

By asking qualification questions like this, you challenge her to prove that she’s more than just a pretty face.  That kind of challenge will only make you more attractive to the girl – and in itself can be enough to get her chasing you.

What women want in a man

Another thing that turns women off and makes them feel uneasy about a guy is when a guy appears “fake” – when his words and actions are incongruent with who he is and what he’s feeling.  On the other hand, women are attracted to a guy who does the opposite, and shows integrity.

Showing integrity is as simple as standing by your thoughts/opinions/feelings –however, many guys slip up here.  They think that to get a woman to like you, you need to agree with everything she says.  But that’s not the case.  A guy who is afraid to disagree with a woman just shows insecurity, neediness, and a lack of integrity.  But by sticking to your guns and being willing to disagree with the girl, you actually become more attractive to women.  It shows you’re not seeking approval, and that you’re a secure man who has confidence with women.

Here’s an example of what showing the integrity that women find attractive might look like: If you love Schwarzenegger movies and the girl you’re interested in or her friends say his movies are stupid, don’t start backtracking and say you don’t really like them either.  Instead, stand up for yourself (and do it with a smile).  Use it as an opportunity to have a bit of fun and start some playful banter with the girl.  Maybe respond with something like “What!? Don’t you like Schwarzenegger movies? That’s it, this isn’t working out, I want a divorce.  You can keep the beach house, but I want the boat.  You never used that thing anyway…”

What to say to a girl you don’t know (without being creepy)

One last thing that can creep women out is when a guy is completely oblivious to social norms and the rules of society.  A guy like that might be embarrassing to be with down the road, so she’s not going to be interested in dating him.  So when approaching women to make sure you don’t creep them out by demonstrating that you’re a guy who understands social norms – even if you don’t follow them.

For example, meeting women in the daytime is not all that “normal” for many guys.  Most guys have too much approach anxiety to approach an attractive girl on the street, subway, grocery store etc.  So in situations like this, it can be helpful to demonstrate that you understand that starting a conversation with a girl you don’t know in the middle of the day is outside the norm… you just don’t care.

If you’re approaching a girl in the daytime then, it can be helpful to start the conversation with the girl by saying something like “I know this is a bit weird, but I just wanted to come to meet you”.  This shows that you understand the situation and you know you’re doing something out of the ordinary, but you’re confident enough that you don’t give a damn.

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AJ Harbinger - author of 379 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality.Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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