Simple Affirmations for Increased Confidence

Affirmations are among the most well-known confidence-building techniques out there.  And though they are often misunderstood (and even ridiculed), when done right affirmations can have a transformative impact on your beliefs and your psyche.  If you are interested in using affirmations to build your confidence and help you achieve more success with women and dating, the following tips are for you.

Picking the right affirmations, part 1

For this confidence technique to work you have to make sure you pick affirmations that resonates with you.  There are tons of affirmation lists out there (here is one) that you can search through for inspiration.  But at the end of the day the affirmations that really jump out and get you excited are going to be the ones you want to write down and rehearse daily.

If you can’t find any good ones feel free to create your own (or re-word ones you find to make them a better fit for you).  This can be the most effective way to use this confidence building technique as affirmations you create can get right to the heart of the beliefs you want to strengthen within yourself.

Picking the right affirmations, part 2

A common problem people have with affirmations is they pick phrases they simply don’t believe are true.  Repeating a phrase like “I am confident!” isn’t likely to help when there’s that little voice in the back of your head saying “No, you’re not”.  So for affirmations to work you want to pick a phrase that reinforces a belief you know to some degree is true – it’s just not as strong a belief as you’d like it to be.

For example, let’s say you already know you’re a great guy and women would be lucky to date you.  A good affirmation then might be “Women enjoy meeting me” or “Beautiful women want me”.  You already know there’s some truth to those statements so you won’t have the same resistance and doubt when stating these affirmations.

Getting to the core of what you want

When looking for affirmations around confidence you want to first get to the core of what confidence means to you.  Maybe confidence means being able to walk up to a girl, start a conversation, and eventually ask for her phone number.  If that’s the case you may want to use affirmations like “I fearlessly approach attractive women” or “I confidently ask women for their number”.

Making affirmations situation-specific will help these positive thoughts pop into your mind at the right time.  For instance if you’ve taken a few moments in the morning to remind yourself how you “fearlessly approach attractive women”, then when you see that cute girl sitting alone at the coffee shop that affirmation is going to pop into your head.  You’re going to be more compelled to approach her as your mind will be remembering that statement.

How to rehearse affirmations

Mindlessly mumbling your affirmations isn’t going to do much to boost your self-esteem.  For this confidence technique to work you want to really get into.  Don’t just say your affirmation, feel it.  Move your body, jump around, and even yell your affirmation out loud.  The more you can really feel your affirmation the more ingrained the belief will become in your nervous system.

In addition to rehearsing affirmations enthusiastically you also want to rehears them regularly.  Write them down on piece of paper and glance at them throughout the day.  Or write them on index cards and put them in different rooms, repeating them anytime you see them.

To really make affirmations a habit you might find it helpful to tie them to certain activities.  Say them first thing in the morning, when you’re in the shower, before you start your car, etc.  After a couple of weeks of doing this repeating your affirmations regularly will become an automatic behavior.

Getting the most from your affirmations

A good way to get the most out of this confidence technique is to regularly remind yourself that your affirmations work.  Saying something like “Each day I repeat my affirmations they become more effective” or “The more I repeat my affirmations the more powerful I become” will strengthen your belief in affirmations, which will strengthen the effect they have.

Another helpful trick when using affirmations is adding a sense of urgency.  Tacking on the phrase “no matter what” or “now!” at the end of your affirmation can make it that much more potent.  For example, “I fearlessly approach women no matter what!” is going to add extra power to that affirmation, and keep you from finding excuses not to approach that cute girl even when she has headphones in.

Creating new beliefs

If you want to reinforce a belief you already have affirmations may be the way to go.  But if you want to create a new belief then you may be better off with a different confidence building technique known as afformations.

Afformations are when you ask yourself questions that lead to empowering answers.  For example if you want to believe you are relaxed and confident around women you could ask yourself “Why is it so easy to be relaxed and confident with women?”  Your brain will automatically start searching for answers, which means you’ll begin to find reasons that support and strengthen this belief.

The cool thing about afformations is you can use them to destroy specific limiting beliefs.  If you have a limiting belief that attractive women don’t want to meet you (maybe you always assume the girl is “busy” or must have a boyfriend) you can ask yourself “Why do beautiful women enjoy meeting me?”  That kind of question will refocus your attention from the limiting belief to thoughts and emotions that are more empowering, and give you more confidence to approach and meet women.

More confidence techniques

For more tips and techniques for building confidence (specifically, confidence with women) click here.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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