Dating Advice for Men: Building Rapport on the First Date

dating advice for men on a first dateThe previous post on our ‘dating advice for men’ segment focused on how to make the conversation fun and interesting.  This helps her feel comfortable and enjoy being around you.  However you’ll eventually want to mix things up.  If you want the date to go anywhere you’ll need to have some depth and connect on an emotional level.

No matter how fun, relaxed, and entertaining the conversation between the two of you may be, at some point you’re going to want to go a little deeper.  You don’t want to come across as a guy that only has one aspect to his personality.  If you only have that one gear your interactions will eventually get stale and she’ll have a hard time relating to you.

In addition to feeling comfortable and having fun, women want to feel a connection with a guy.  She wants to understand him, see parts of herself in him, and feel understood by him.  If you want to be anything more than a one-time date or at best a shallow fling, you’ll need to be able to generate this type of connection.  This brings us to our next piece of dating advice, which is for men to establish rapport on the first date.

Rapport is simply relating to one another.  It’s finding that common ground that you both share.  This seems easy enough, but can be tricky because guys and girls tend to relate in different ways.

Men can sit around with a group of guys they don’t know, talk about football for an hour, and feel a bond and connection.  Women often need more than that.  In order to feel connected to other people they need to feel an emotional connection.

In the context of the date, think of it this way.  A guy could sit there and there as the girl lists off all the activities she does.  To him that is a conversation where he is getting to know her.  It might be a boring conversation, but it can still form a connection for a guy.  Most women however, would not feel any connection.

The thing to do instead is to bring an emotional component into the conversation.  For example maybe you ask her about the types of things she does for fun.  She answers “well, I play soccer”.  You can take that information and go deeper to form an emotional connection.  Maybe ask what is it about soccer that she likes so much?  What are her favorite moments? How does she relate to the people on the team?  When you get an answer you can relate what she said to your own life.  For example let’s say her answer is “I like the feeling of running as fast as she can to win a loose ball, when I win it its exhilarating”.  Now you can relate on that feeling of exhilaration.  Even if you hate soccer you can respond with something like “oh I know what you mean.  In my karate class I feel the same way any time I escape a hold” and expand from there.

When you’re both relating to the same emotion, you can talk about your experiences and she can get a deeper understanding of who you are that goes beyond the things you do.

Leading the conversation in an emotional direction makes it more interesting for both of you and allows her to feel a deeper connection with you.  We could go much deeper into this piece of dating advice as there are many important factors that will help men generate rapport (body language, eye contact, etc).  It’s also important to know how and when to shift between rapport and banter, and how/when to ramp up the sexual tension.  You can learn more about all these aspects in detail from our AoC Online Academy.  If you want a quicker way of mastering these techniques then you’ll want to check out our live bootcamps that run in NY and LA.

Brian M - author of 192 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

Email


in Building A Connection