You have to wonder: Is that true?  And if so, why?  In what ways do the people around us shape who we are and who we become?

For insights into these questions, here are some scientific explanations on how the people around us influence who we are — and why we should choose your friends wisely surround ourselves with stellar people.

Your friends influence your emotions

Ever notice how hanging out with a positive, upbeat person can lift your mood?  Or how spending time with a “downer” can drain you of joy and energy?  These effects are due to what psychologists call emotional contagion.

Emotional contagion basically means that we absorb the feelings and emotions of those around us.  How does this happen?  According to psychologists Elaine Hatfield (at the University of Hawaii) and John Cacioppo (of the University of Chicago), it’s due to our natural tendency to mimic those around us.

When two people are together, they will unconsciously copy one another.  They will make similar facial expressions.  Their vocal patterns will fall in alignment.  They will copy one another’s posture.  And other body movements will begin to mirror one another.

And once these new gestures, postures, and facial expressions occur a feedback loop kicks in.  Our brains recognize these actions and begin to feel the emotions associated with each gesture — the emotions that would otherwise cause these movements.

As Hatfield and Cacioppo explain in their article, “Subjective emotional experience is affected, moment-to-moment, by the activation and/or feedback from facial, vocal, postural, and movement mimicry.”

The impact other people’s emotions have on us isn’t just a short-lived phenomenon.  In a 20-year happiness study, Harvard psychologists found that your happiness is very much impacted by the happiness levels of the people in your social network.  If a friend down the street from you saw an increase in happiness, you became 25% more likely to see an increase, too.

As the article explains, “People who are surrounded by many happy people and those who are central in the network are more likely to become happy in the future … People’s happiness depends on the happiness of others with whom they are connected.”

Our urge to conform

Sometimes the impact others have on us is simply the result of conscious choice.  We conform to the people around us because we choose to do so.

According to psychologists Morton Deutsch and Harold Gerard, people are driven to conform for two main reasons: to be liked and to be right.  It feels good to be accepted by others and is easier to go along with the crowd than against it.  And when we’re surrounded by people who have made the same decisions as us it helps us validate our own choices.

Our willingness to conform was demonstrated in a famous 1955 study by psychologist Solomn Asch.  In the study groups of participants were shown three lines of different lengths.  A fourth line was then shown and participants were asked which of the prior three lines this fourth line matched in length.

Here’s the kicker: In every group there was only one true participant.  Everyone else was a confederate – actors planted by Asch.  These confederates would state their answer before the participant, and would all agree on the wrong set of lines being a match.

How did people react in this situation?  When participants had to guess which lines were the same size on their own they guessed right 99% of the time.  When they were surrounded by confederates who purposely guessed wrong, they were more likely to follow the crowd and guess wrong, too.  The number of correct answers dropped to 74%.

Even though people knew the right answer they would either talk themselves out of it or suppress what they knew 36% of the time for the sake of going along with the group. As you can see, we can hardly overstate how important it is to choose your friends wisely.

Your friends influence what you do

So far we’ve seen how our emotions and decisions are shaped by those around us.  But what about character traits?  Let’s say you saw yourself as someone who had little self-control.  Could you develop more self-control by surrounding yourself with people who had that trait?

Research suggests that you can.  A study on self-control published last year in the journal Psychological Science found that when someone lacks self-control they begin to value that trait more highly in other people.  Not only that, when people felt as though they had low self-control and their partner had strong self-control, they reported feeling a stronger sense of dependence on their partner.

Catherine Shea, the psychologist who lead the study, summarizes the findings by pointing out that “low self-control individuals seem to implicitly surround themselves with individuals who can help them overcome temptation — you get by with a little help from your friends.”

How friends make our habits

Want to develop better habits?  Then surround yourself with people who already have those habits.  The effect this can have is so strong that you can even pick up on the habits of others even when you are not actively trying to do so.

Take, for example, a study done by Marquette University on the effects of weight gain among female college freshman.  If a woman was on a diet and had a regular exercise regimen, then her randomly-assigned roommate would put on less weight (half a pound). If she had not been dieting and exercising, her roommate tended to gain 2.5 pounds.  These findings are summarized in this article on the effects of freshman year roommates.

Study and success habits have also been found to be contagious.  Among middle school students it was proven that low-achieving students who befriended high-achievers had greater academic success than those who spent time with other low-achieving students.

But just as good habits can rub off on us negative ones can as well.  In the article cited above on the effects of freshman year roommates you’ll also discover how college freshman are more likely to binge drink if their roommate is a heavy drinker.  And if a guy brings an Xbox or playstation into the dorm room, the study habits and GPA of his roommate decline.

Bottom line: The people we surround ourselves have a major influence on habits.

You learn by watching

Let’s say you’re at a networking event.  You don’t know anyone there and are not sure exactly how to behave. Should you have another drink?  What should you talk about?  In situations like these, how would you figure out what to do and how to act?

Probably by watching others.

The idea that we learn from watching those around us really took off with Albert Bandura’s famous Bobo doll experiment.  In this experiment children watched adults interact with a doll and were then given a chance to interact with that same doll themselves.  After watching an adult act violently towards the doll, a child would mimic that behavior.  But if the child saw the adult act more passively towards it, then the child would act passively, too.

In Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion, Robert Caldini talks about one factor in particular that causes us to look towards those around us for cues on how to act: uncertainty.  As Caldini explains, “When we are uncertain we are willing to place an enormous amount of trust in the collective knowledge of the crowd.”

Think about the real-world implications of this:  If you are unhappy with your salary but don’t know what to do about it, and your friends are in the same boat complaining, then that mindset will rub off on you.  But if you’re surrounded by friends who are constantly looking to do whatever they can to improve their situation – if you have friends that bust their ass to see how they can boost their salary – than that drive and determination is going to rub off on you instead.

Other important environmental factors

It’s not just the people around you that impact your mood, habits, and overall success.  The environment you’re in also influences how you grow and develop.  And a big piece of that environment is the media you indulge in.

There’s no shortage of research examining the effects media has on us.  Violence on TV and violent video games have been shown to increase aggression in kids.  Just as aggressive lyrics in songs lead to more thoughts and feelings of aggression.

But just as media can influence our actions in aggressive ways it can also drive us toward positive behavior.  Studies have shown that exposure to pro-social media decreases aggression, increases empathy, and leads to more helpful behaviors towards others.

I experienced a shift from these effects a few years ago.  I used to listen to the Adam Carolla podcast every morning at work.  Though I enjoyed it, after a few months, I found I was complaining all the time. (That’s the source of a lot of Carolla’s humor).  Worried about the effect this was having on me, I searched for new podcasts, which led to shows like The Art of Charm.  The regular injection of positivity and empowerment I got from podcasts like that created a noticeable and positive shift in my mood and outlook.

From media to friends, social scenarios to cultural precedents, we are — in a very real way — the product of our surroundings.

And yet we can choose our surroundings in many cases — and in most cases, we can certainly determine how we process and interpret them.

So choose your friends wisely and surround yourself with excellence. Find the people who elevate you. Choose the events that inspire you. Embrace the habits that improve you.

And as you do, let us know if you notice any changes in yourself as a result of the people and media you surround yourself with in the comments section below!

The post How the Company You Keep Determines Who You Are appeared first on The Art of Charm.

How long does it take to turn your business into a profit-generating machine?  What steps can you take to reach that stage faster?  And what are the most important lessons to take away from entrepreneurs who have come before you? If you need valuable tips for starting a business or growing your enterprise, you’ll want to stay tuned to The Art of Charm.

In a recent Art of Charm podcast Jordan sat down with John Lee Dumas, host of Entrepreneur on Fire (EoF) to discuss how John grew a multi-million dollar podcast from nothing in just three years.  Below are some of the key takeaways from that podcast that address the questions mentioned above.  And in the spirit of EoF each point made is brought home through stories and advice from other wildly successful entrepreneurs.

Take it slow

“Success doesn’t happen quickly. It happens from doing the same thing over and over, becoming great at it, and delivering great value to consumers.”

– Kevin Plank, Founder and CEO of Under Armor

Bringing a business from zero to profitable can take a lot longer than most people think or are willing to endure.   John went a full nine months before EoF made a dime.  And the only reason he was able to move that fast is because John worked 7 days a week and had $125,000 of savings to invest into accelerating his learning curve – he hired mentors, went to conferences, and joined masterminds (And don’t forget, during the 9 months he was doing this there was absolutely no assurance that this venture would ever turn a profit).

Jordan’s journey took even longer: The Art of Charm earned next-to-nothing for the first four years of operation.

For anyone looking to start a business and hit quick success overnight, the stories of Jordan and John show that things don’t quite work that way. This may be one of the most important tips for starting a business: Remember that building a successful business takes time – time where you’re putting in a lot of effort yet getting little-to-no return.  Exactly how long that stage lasts is different for everyone.  But it’s a very necessary stage seemingly all successful entrepreneurs go through when you look into their backstory.

While there are ways to get through this stage quickly (which we’ll touch on soon) skipping it could be a huge mistake.  To see why that is, let’s take a look at the story and advice of another well-known entrepreneur (who has previously been featured on both EoF and AoC podcasts):

In his book Crush It! Gary Vaynerchuk talks about how he took a liquor store from $4 million in yearly sales to $10 million.  How much did Gary earn for himself in that time?  Nothing more than his $27,000/year salary.

Gary tells this story to illustrate a key lesson that is touched on throughout the book: When you are growing a business “you come last”.  Even if you do make profits early all that money should be funneled right back into the business.  Into research, improving the content or service you provide, and paying staff members to keep your operation running smoothly.

According to Gary the longer you hold off on cashing in the more you “cement your success”.  By not taking profits for himself early on Gary has been able to build several multi-million dollar businesses.  And that has allowed him to earn a certain reputation that has opened more doors, created more business opportunities, and brought in more money than he would have got if he focused on rewarding himself early for his success.

Think of it like the stock market: You could throw money in there, hit a payday, and then cash out.  OR you could reinvest that money and compound your earnings.

This is the same strategy Kevin Plank used when he started Under Armor.  All the money that was made in those early stages went right back into the business.

Instead of going for that fast payday Plank took the patient route, focusing on the company and his employees first, and himself last.  The result is a company that started out as him driving around the country selling shirts out of the trunk of his car has become an absolute behemoth.  According to Forbes Under Armor is now worth $1.7 billion, while Plank himself is worth $3 billion.

Surround Yourself with Masterminds

“If I’m the smartest person in a room, I’m in the wrong room”

-Dan Kennedy, Top Business Coach/Marketer

The most successful people in any field didn’t get their on their own.  Top athletes have coaches and trainers.  Presidents have councilors and campaign advisors.  And successful entrepreneurs surround themselves with other successful businessmen.  How can you do the same?  By doing what John Lee Dumas recommends all entrepreneurs do: join a mastermind.

What exactly is a mastermind group?  According to Napoleon Hill, the man who popularized the idea of masterminds with his book Think and Grow Rich, a mastermind group is a “coordination of knowledge and effort, in a spirit of harmony, between two or more people, for the attainment of a definite purpose.”

Hill goes on to explain how the greatest businessmen of his time all utilized mastermind groups.  Henry Ford for instance had a small mastermind made up of Thomas Edison and Harvey Firestone.

Andrew Carnegie had a much larger group which, according to Hill, “consisted of a staff of approximately fifty men, with whom he surrounded himself, for the DEFINITE PURPOSE of manufacturing and marketing steel. He attributed his entire fortune to the POWER he accumulated through this Master Mind.”

What do mastermind groups do exactly?  According to Joe Polish, the man who runs a $25,000/year mastermind that gives elite businessmen the chance to learn from the likes of Sir Richard Branson, these groups do four things:

First, masterminds give you clarity.  Surrounding yourself with motivated, results-driven people helps you define exactly what your goals are.

Second they provide direction.  You get advice and guidance that will help you map out what steps to take to ensure you achieve your goals.

Third they help you gain confidence and support.  Being a part of this supportive group means you don’t have to “go it alone”.  When things go sideways you’ll have a network to fall back on to help keep your feet underneath you.

And finally you get capability.  When you’re clear on your goals, know the steps to take, have confidence in yourself and a support system to keep you going, you’ll become more capable of doing the work needed to hit your goals.

Surround yourself with intelligent people who push and challenge you, and you’re going to accomplish more than you would on your own.  Whether you join a formal mastermind group or simply get together with 2-3 success-driven friends for an hour a week, enlisting the help of others will make the road to profitability much quicker and easier.

Get a Mentor

“Without any guidance you can waste valuable years trying to gain knowledge and practice from various sources.”

-Robert Greene, Mastery

When you need tips for starting a business, running a business, or navigating the inevitable complexities and problems that come along, you need a mentor at your side. Without a mentor the multi-million dollar podcast that is Entrepreneur on Fire may not even exist.  As John said he had been putting off launching his podcast until his mentor stepped in and threatened to quit working with him unless he pulled the trigger on it immediately.

The swift kick in the butt John received is one major benefit of having a mentor in your corner.  But it’s not the only benefit…

Another important reason for having a mentor, touched on by Robert Green in his book Mastery, is that taking on a mentor will streamline your learning.  You can cut months, even years off your learning curve with a seasoned pro in your corner offering expert advice and feedback on what you’re doing.

But just because mentors are important doesn’t mean you should run out and hire the first successful person you see to guide you.  Both Robert and John emphasize the importance of finding the right mentor.

To John the right mentor is someone who is already in the position you want to be in and actively does coaching/mentoring on a regular basis.  Robert Greene adds that when possible you want to find a mentor you can see personally – not just virtually.  That way you can learn by watching him directly.  You can see how he thinks and works through problems.  And that can be even more valuable than the advice that comes out of his thinking process.

Now if you don’t yet have a mentor there are some ways you can create one for the time being.  In Mastery Robert explains how you can use books to serve as a mentor until you find someone to take that role.  You can also act as if you already have your ideal mentor by imagining how a conversation with him might go.  For example if you want to be mentored by Sir Richard Branson, you might ask yourself “What would Richard Branson say to me about this?”  By simply by taking his perspective you’ll be able to gain new insight into your situation.

How to stay focused when nothing is working

“When all hell is breaking loose and nothing’s working, you’re only one millimeter off”

-Tony Robbins

Having the right mindset when things get hard is key to ensuring you continually move forward.  Jordan briefly touched on this point early in the podcast when he mentioned how “failing” law school doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  If you fail law school those bad grades could merely be an indication that this path isn’t for you.  Viewing “failure” in this light means that rather than enduring a crushing blow to your confidence you’ll instead be able to see this event as a stepping-stone to something greater.

Taking the right perspective on failure is important for entrepreneurs since they’re liable to experience tons of failure.  And when you’re in those early stages busting your butt each day yet seeing little-to-no progress, having the right mindset will keep you going forward so you can achieve the success you want.

Tony Robbins has a great mindset to adapt in times when you’re working your butt off and nothing appears to be working.  The idea is to take the perspective that you’re just one small tweak away from everything falling into place.

Here’s how Tony describes this mindset shift in his seminar (you can check out the audio here):  If you’ve ever played golf you know that the tiniest changes can produce a massive shift in results.  If you hit the ball a millimeter too high or too low… if your club head is open or closed just the tiniest bit… then the ball will fly off in the wrong direction and your results will be a disaster.

But just because you’re hitting the ball all over the place doesn’t mean you’ve got to scrap everything and give up.  It doesn’t mean you’re doing everything wrong and it’s all hopeless.  Because one tiny change – hitting the ball just a millimeter higher… opening the club head just a millimeter more… and you’ll launch a rocket that drops right on the green.

So when things aren’t clicking don’t focus on the thoughts telling you “this is hopeless”.  Instead ask yourself “What little adjustment can I make that will get me the results I want?”  This will keep you focused on success, not failure.  And if that’s where your focus is, than that’s where you’re more likely to end up.

Is there a certain mindset that has helped you take your business or career to the next level?  Has a mentor ever shaved years off your learning curve, or provided the motivation needed to take action?  Have you been a part of any mastermind groups?  If you have experience with any of these things we’d love to hear all about it in the comments below.

To find additional tips for starting a business, be sure to explore our blog and subscribe to our podcast.

The post When You’re in a Relationship with Your Start-Up: Take It Slow appeared first on The Art of Charm.

Is smiling attractive? In 2011 a sexual attraction study published by psychologists at the University of British Columbia showed that men were perceived as less sexually attractive when they smile. You may have heard about this study as it made the rounds on sites like Psychology Today, Business Insider, and countless other news outlets. The findings have caused men all over to say “That’s it! No more smiling for me!” But jumping to that conclusion is a HUGE mistake. If you are a guy looking to attract women, you should absolutely keep smiling. And I’m going to show you why.

Do Women Find Smiling Attractive?

This study was conducted by showing women pictures of a man displaying four different emotions (happiness, pride, shame, and neutral). The women were asked “How sexually attractive do you find this person?” and rated each picture on a scale of 1-9. Under these conditions we learned that women find men who display pride, and sometimes even shame, to be more sexually attractive than men displaying happiness.

But how do these findings translate into the real-world? Are you really better off approaching a woman like a six-year-old who just got yelled at than you are strolling up with a warm smile?

Absolutely not. Because context matters.

If a woman is at, say, a bar she’s there to relax, have fun and maybe meet some cool people. So in that context who is she going to be drawn towards? The guys who are relaxed, having fun, and seem cool to talk to. And what’s the easiest way to show you’re that kind of guy? By smiling!

Sure, perhaps when a woman is looking at an image of a guy with a serious expression he appears more sexually attractive than the smiling guy. But when a woman is approached by guys who embody these different emotional states, who is she going to be more receptive towards? The serious, stone-faced guy who, for all she knows, wants to do her harm? The dude moping about with hunched shoulders and his eyes glued the floor? Or the warm, friendly, fun guy who comes in with a smile and lifts her mood with his positive energy?

Which person would you rather have approach you at a bar?

Here’s the thing: Whenever two strangers meet there is likely going to be feelings of tension on both sides. Smiling allows you to relax that tension. From there you’ll each feel more comfortable opening up and getting to know one another.

Now the Art of Charm may not have a study published on this (yet), but after 7 years watching thousands of guys change the way they approach women the answer is clear. The guy who brings warm, positive energy is going to blow the serious guy or energy-sucker out of the water.

Body Language vs. Facial Expression

If you read the study you’ll see that the most consistent and statistically significant finding was that pride was hands-down the most attractive emotion for men to display. Yet according to the researchers the reason pride was seen as sexually attractive didn’t have anything to do with the man’s facial expression. It was due to his body language. He was taking up space with his arms up and chest out. It wasn’t the fact that he wasn’t smiling that made him attractive. It was how he carried himself from the neck-down.

The most robust takeaway from this study isn’t smiling is unattractive and should be avoided by men. It’s that confident body language is attractive to women. Which isn’t exactly breaking news.

Now with that confident body language would it be better to smile or not smile? If you’re going off the study the answer is: We don’t know, because those combinations were not examined. And even if the study did have an answer to that question there’s still the issue of how those findings would translate (or don’t) to real-world situations.

What Do Women Find Attractive in Men?

For most guys if a woman is sexually attractive (if she looks hot) then he’s going to be willing to sleep with her. Hell a lot of guys will date or and even marry a girl if she’s physically attractive enough.

So it can be difficult for men to understand that, when a girl decides whether or not to sleep with or date a guy, there are often other factors at play. Whether or not she’s sexually attracted right off the bat isn’t the be-all end-all of her decision-making process. She’s going to take other factors into account, such as: Does she feel a connection? Would she feel okay introducing him to her friends? Would the sex be any good? Does she feel safe with him? Can she trust him? Does being with him make her feel good?

And that’s just when it comes to having sex. We haven’t even touched on falling in love here.

Sure there are times when a girl just wants to get laid or will go home with a guy solely because she thinks he’s hot. But it’s important for men to remember that sex and attraction for women can often be a bit more complex than our own thinking of “That person is hot therefore I’m going to try to sleep with them ASAP”.

This is important because even if women do see men showing shame as being more sexually attractive, that doesn’t mean the shameful guy has a better chance of becoming intimate with her. That tiny bump in sexual attractiveness the brooding guy has (by the way in the study the shameful guy was rated around a 4, and the happy guy a 3, so the gap wasn’t that big) likely won’t be enough to overcome the negative qualities a guy like that brings to the table (which were not examined in this study).

As touched on before, a woman at a bar or coffee shop doesn’t want to deal with some gloomy dude sucking the energy out of the room – even if he is slightly more sexually attractive. That guy just won’t have a chance in the real world.

But the happy, smiling guy? The guy who brings energy and boosts her mood? Yeah, he’ll get a chance.

And that chance is all you need.

Because attraction is a process that you can build gradually. When first meeting a girl you don’t need to come in guns blazing and ignite tons of sexual attraction within the first five seconds. All you’ve got to do is spark a little bit of curiosity and interest. That’s it. If she’s curious about you, if she’s interested in you, then you’re going to get the chance to keep talking.

And the more you converse the more opportunity you’ll have to connect, steer the conversation in a sexual direction, and eventually set the stage for a deeper relationship.

All while the brooding guy in the corner continues to drink alone, unnoticed.

Is Smiling Attractive in Online Dating Profiles?

This study does address one potentially impactful variable: Do women find smiling attractive in online dating profiles? This study, along with some research conducted by OkCupid (which I’ll get to soon) has led men to believe that smiling has no place in online dating pictures.

But leaping to that conclusion is once again a mistake.

Here’s what OKCupid says about the research they’ve done on whether or not men should smile on their online dating profiles:

“Men’s photos are most effective when they look away from the camera and don’t smile:

Maybe women want a little mystery. What is he looking at?

It’s interesting that while making flirty eye contact is relatively okay for men, flirting away from the camera is the worst thing they, too, can do.”

What the above graph basically says is that guys who don’t smile and look away from the camera in their online dating profile meet almost .2 more women per attempt than guys who smile and look away. (And about .25 more women than guys who look at the camera in their pictures.)

While there may be something to this finding, the way it’s presented doesn’t actually prove anything. Here are some of the unanswered questions you may want to think about before taking it as Gospel that you should remove smiling pictures:

• Is the .2 difference between smiling profiles and non-smiling profiles statistically significant? Or small enough to be chance? 
• The non-smiling pictures correlate with more meetups, but does that mean they were the cause of more meetups? Or is there another factor at play?

Perhaps the type of men who post non-smiling pictures also tend to be the type of men who have some other attractive quality. Perhaps they simply are more confident. And even if they changed their pictures to smiling ones, that confidence would still shine through in other aspects of their profile and messages and they’d continue to have success. (Who knows, maybe these kind of guys could actually have more success if they included smiling pictures).

• We don’t know if the men who didn’t smile in their main picture had other pictures where they were smiling. If that were the case it would completely undermine this data. 
• Finally, we don’t know much about the women who responded to these pictures. They could be an average representation of the women on OKCupid, or they could not be. There could be certain type of women drawn to those serious guys skewing the results. And that type of girl may or may not be the kind of woman you’d want to date. So if you eliminate your smiling photos you can wind up dating women who aren’t your type, and miss out on women like this who are actively looking for guys who smile in their online dating profiles.

So you may want to refrain from tearing your smiling photos from your online dating profile. Though that stoic, looking-away picture may help you ignite some sexual attraction and initial interest, adding the smiling picture to the mix will show another important side of you. It’ll make your personality more dynamic, and show women you’re warm, friendly, and fun to be around. And it will draw out the kind of women who are attracted to that.

One final note: An Art of Charm alumni has done some extensive testing of what works best for online dating profiles (he’s currently putting it all together in a book that will be made available). His conclusion – which jives with what a lot of other Art of Charm alumni and coaches have found – is that smiling works.

Want to Effortlessly Attract the Girls You Want to Date?

Let’s face it, you’re killing it in your career, but when it comes to charming the socks off a stunning woman, do you feel like you’re just winging it? Imagine this: you walk up to her, hearts racing, palms a bit sweaty, but this time, you’re armed with more than just good looks and ambition.

What if I told you that with the right tweaks to what you’re already doing, you’ll tap into your natural charm? No more awkward silences or cringey small talk. We’re talking electrifying conversations that spark a real connection, making her eyes light up with excitement.

This isn’t just talk—it’s your new reality. Check out Conversation Magic, and let’s turn those stumbling words into smooth, confident dialogues that leave her eager for more. Ready to be as impressive in your love life as you are in your career? Let’s make it happen!

The post Does Smiling Really Make You Less Attractive? A Rebuttal to the Well-Known Psychological Study appeared first on The Art of Charm.

Understanding How Knowledge Deficits Contribute to Lack of Confidence

Perhaps the easiest way to gain confidence is simply to gain more knowledge about the situation that’s causing insecurity. For example a lot of guys that check out the Art of Charm come in with the same question

“What should I say to a girl when I first walk up to her?”

In situations like this, it’s important to know what to say. It will help you build confidence in your ability to make a good first impression.

In a situation like this you can simply go with what’s on your mind. Walking up to a girl and saying “Hi, you’re cute, my name is ___. What’s your name?” is often all you need to get a conversation going. If you ask 2 or 3 questions and she doesn’t return the curiosity, she’s not interested. So just tell her it was nice meeting her and wish her a good day.

Another helpful bit of knowledge for these situations is to understand the body language signs of attraction. This is a great way to gain confidence because you can identify beforehand if she wants to meet you. Look for signs like open body language or strong eye contact. Open body language looks like her feet, chest, and face are pointed in your direction. She’s not necessarily facing you head on, but if she is then it’s a good sign. Strong eye contact involves her holding eye contact with you or making eye contact with you multiple times. Both are strong signals she wants to meet you.

The Role of Experience in Shaping Confidence Levels

When it comes to meeting women there are plenty of guys who know exactly what to do – yet are unable to do it. They’ve gathered tons of information on how to meet and attract women yet their dating lives are stagnant. In these instances the problem that causes a lack of confidence often stems from a lack of experience.

The more experience you have meeting, talking to, and flirting with women, the more confident you’ll become. So a good way to gain confidence in this area is to focus on getting lots of experience. One great exercise for this is to make a point to approach 3 women per day for a month. With 90 additional approaches under your belt approaching women isn’t going to be the big, looming, scary thing it once was.

Overcoming Negative Attitudes: A Key to Boosting Confidence

The right knowledge and tons of experience won’t always fix a lack of confidence. You also need the right attitude that conveys your self-assuredness in life. For example, let’s say things don’t go the way you wanted with a woman. So you start beating yourself up for “screwing up”, and point to all the reasons why you’re not “good enough”. Or you take it out on her and start projecting all sorts of negative qualities onto her.

This kind of negative thinking can destroy a guy’s confidence. So remember that if a woman doesn’t “like” you there’s no reason to take it personally. After all, do you find every woman attractive? Do you get along with everyone you meet? There could be a thousand reasons for why things didn’t work out that have nothing to do with you.

Also, you don’t even have to see something like “rejection” as a bad thing. You can simply view it as learning early that the two of you were not a good fit, and that you’ve now saved yourself a ton of time and headache.

Unveiling the Unexpected: Surprising Factors Behind Lack of Confidence

Sometimes there are outside factors that affect our confidence that have nothing to do with the particular situation at hand. For example, if you lay around all day doing work you hate, eating a crappy diet, and spend your free time on unfulfilling activities, it’s going to be difficult to get in a confident state of mind when you’re around women.

A simple way to gain confidence then is to take care of yourself. Fill your life with people and activities that empower you. Are you eating well and exercising regularly? Do you hang out with positive people you care about and pursue activities that make you feel alive? Then you’re going to feel great more often. As a result you’ll naturally project confidence in other areas of your life, including your interactions with women.

Demystifying Confidence Myths: Why You Don’t Need ‘X’ to Feel Confident

A major source of a lack of confidence stems from basing your sense of self-worth in something external. Many think they need a certain job, income, girlfriend, car, etc to “have value” and feel good about themselves. Of course, this often just leads to trouble. Because once they get that thing, something else inevitably pops up that they have to have in order to feel good. (And if they ever stop having the thing that gave them confidence, then their self-worth is crushed).

It’s critical to remember that it doesn’t matter what you have or don’t have. You are still the same person regardless. So if you’re confident with nothing, you’ll be confident with everything. And if you’re insecure when you have nothing, you’ll still be insecure when you have everything.

So the best way to gain confidence is to stop seeking validation and self-worth from anything outside of yourself. Your value isn’t determined by your bank account, job, the women you date, or anything like that. Your value is whatever you decide it is. A sense of self-worth and what you base that on is something you determine for yourself.

Make that sense of personal value independent of the things you have or reactions you get from others. Then there will be nothing to stop you from feeling powerful and confident in almost any situation.

Want to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want to Date?

Let’s face it, you’re killing it in your career, but when it comes to charming the socks off a stunning woman, do you feel like you’re just winging it? Imagine this: you walk up to her, hearts racing, palms a bit sweaty, but this time, you’re armed with more than just good looks and ambition.

What if I told you that with the right tweaks to what you’re already doing, you’ll tap into your natural charm? No more awkward silences or cringey small talk. We’re talking electrifying conversations that spark a real connection, making her eyes light up with excitement.

This isn’t just talk—it’s your new reality. Sign up for Conversation Magic, and let’s turn those stumbling words into smooth, confident dialogues that leave her eager for more. Ready to be as impressive in your love life as you are in your career? Let’s make it happen!

The post Lack of Confidence Unveiled: The 5 Factors Holding You Back appeared first on The Art of Charm.

Picking the right affirmations, part 1

For this confidence technique to work you have to make sure you pick affirmations that resonates with you.  There are tons of affirmation lists out there (here is one) that you can search through for inspiration.  But at the end of the day the affirmations that really jump out and get you excited are going to be the ones you want to write down and rehearse daily.

If you can’t find any good ones feel free to create your own (or re-word ones you find to make them a better fit for you).  This can be the most effective way to use this confidence building technique as affirmations you create can get right to the heart of the beliefs you want to strengthen within yourself.

Picking the right affirmations, part 2

A common problem people have with affirmations is they pick phrases they simply don’t believe are true.  Repeating a phrase like “I am confident!” isn’t likely to help when there’s that little voice in the back of your head saying “No, you’re not”.  So for affirmations to work you want to pick a phrase that reinforces a belief you know to some degree is true – it’s just not as strong a belief as you’d like it to be.

For example, let’s say you already know you’re a great guy and women would be lucky to date you.  A good affirmation then might be “Women enjoy meeting me” or “Beautiful women want me”.  You already know there’s some truth to those statements so you won’t have the same resistance and doubt when stating these affirmations.

Getting to the core of what you want

When looking for affirmations around confidence you want to first get to the core of what confidence means to you.  Maybe confidence means being able to walk up to a girl, start a conversation, and eventually ask for her phone number.  If that’s the case you may want to use affirmations like “I fearlessly approach attractive women” or “I confidently ask women for their number”.

Making affirmations situation-specific will help these positive thoughts pop into your mind at the right time.  For instance if you’ve taken a few moments in the morning to remind yourself how you “fearlessly approach attractive women”, then when you see that cute girl sitting alone at the coffee shop that affirmation is going to pop into your head.  You’re going to be more compelled to approach her as your mind will be remembering that statement.

How to rehearse affirmations

Mindlessly mumbling your affirmations isn’t going to do much to boost your self-esteem.  For this confidence technique to work you want to really get into.  Don’t just say your affirmation, feel it.  Move your body, jump around, and even yell your affirmation out loud.  The more you can really feel your affirmation the more ingrained the belief will become in your nervous system.

In addition to rehearsing affirmations enthusiastically you also want to rehears them regularly.  Write them down on piece of paper and glance at them throughout the day.  Or write them on index cards and put them in different rooms, repeating them anytime you see them.

To really make affirmations a habit you might find it helpful to tie them to certain activities.  Say them first thing in the morning, when you’re in the shower, before you start your car, etc.  After a couple of weeks of doing this repeating your affirmations regularly will become an automatic behavior.

Getting the most from your affirmations

A good way to get the most out of this confidence technique is to regularly remind yourself that your affirmations work.  Saying something like “Each day I repeat my affirmations they become more effective” or “The more I repeat my affirmations the more powerful I become” will strengthen your belief in affirmations, which will strengthen the effect they have.

Another helpful trick when using affirmations is adding a sense of urgency.  Tacking on the phrase “no matter what” or “now!” at the end of your affirmation can make it that much more potent.  For example, “I fearlessly approach women no matter what!” is going to add extra power to that affirmation, and keep you from finding excuses not to approach that cute girl even when she has headphones in.

Creating new beliefs

If you want to reinforce a belief you already have affirmations may be the way to go.  But if you want to create a new belief then you may be better off with a different confidence building technique known as afformations.

Afformations are when you ask yourself questions that lead to empowering answers.  For example if you want to believe you are relaxed and confident around women you could ask yourself “Why is it so easy to be relaxed and confident with women?”  Your brain will automatically start searching for answers, which means you’ll begin to find reasons that support and strengthen this belief.

The cool thing about afformations is you can use them to destroy specific limiting beliefs.  If you have a limiting belief that attractive women don’t want to meet you (maybe you always assume the girl is “busy” or must have a boyfriend) you can ask yourself “Why do beautiful women enjoy meeting me?”  That kind of question will refocus your attention from the limiting belief to thoughts and emotions that are more empowering, and give you more confidence to approach and meet women.

More confidence techniques

For more tips and techniques for building confidence (specifically, confidence with women) click here.

The post Simple Affirmations for Increased Confidence appeared first on The Art of Charm.

If you ask her out…

If you ask a girl out then the answer to the “who pays on a date?” question is a simple one. It’s you. When you invite a girl on a date it’s your responsibility to take care of her. So as a man you should always expect to pay for the date. After all you want her to be able to relax and enjoy her time with you. And that will be difficult if she’s worried about the money she’s spending.

Another reason it’s important for men to pay for a date is that it sends a clear message of your intentions. If you have a woman split the tab with you she may no longer see this as a “date”. She may instead get the message that the two of you are nothing more than friends. If you want to avoid her seeing you in that light then paying for the date will go a long way.

What if she offers to chip in?

The woman you date may offer to pay for herself. She may reach for her purse and suggest once or twice that she can pay half the bill. This may just be a courtesy, and her way of showing that you don’t have to pay for her. But in these situations you want to tell her to put the purse away. Let her see that you want to pay for her. That spending time with her and seeing that she is taken care of is more important than the handful of dollars you’re spending.

What if she’s really insistent?

It’s not often but every once in a while you may go on a date with a woman who absolutely refuses to let you pay for her. If that’s the case there’s no point fighting it. Offer to pay for her but if she is really persistent about it then just split the bill.

There are some good reasons why a woman may insist on paying for herself. Maybe she sees it as a point of pride that she can take care of herself. Maybe she doesn’t want to feel like she “owes” you anything. Or maybe she feels guilty when guys buy her things and she doesn’t want to feel that way. If her reasoning is anything like the points mentioned above, you can actually be doing her a favor and showing you respect her values by allowing her to pay for herself.

What if she asks you on a date?

Now the question of “who pays on a date” can be a little trickier if the girl invites you out. If that’s the case she’s clearly interested and you don’t necessarily have the same obligation as you would if you invited her out. So in these instances you’re fine splitting the tab.

Of course you can always be the super-gentleman and still pay for her anyway. Not only would that be appreciated, but it would send a clear message of your interest and desire to be more than friends.

What if it’s a more “casual” date?

Let’s say you meet for something more casual. Like drinks at happy hour. If it’s just a laid-back get-together as opposed to a more formal date, who pays for the date then?

It’s still you. But in these situations you’re likely to find the girl will chip in, too. After you buy the first round of drinks many women will offer to pay for the second. Since this is more of a causal meet-up you’re fine letting her pay for the next round. It’s not going to send the kind of mixed message that might get sent having her pay for herself when out on a more formal date.

What if she picks the place (and it’s expensive)?

Let’s say you ask her on a date but she picks the place. And she just so happens to pick the most expensive restaurant in town. What then? Who pays for the date if she is the one who made it so expensive?

Rather than working out who pays on a date in this scenario you’re better off avoiding this situation entirely. When you ask a girl on a date it should be your adventure that you are bringing her on. You want to plan where to go, what to do, how long it will be – all that stuff. (Of course, don’t forget to take her enjoyment into consideration when picking the place/activity).

At the end of the day you want to be in the driver’s seat so all she has to do is say “yes” to whatever plan you’ve come up with. This is a great way to approach a date because if she doesn’t have to do any planning or decision making, it’s going to be much easier for her to relax and enjoy herself.

Finally, when you plan the date make sure you have a backup plan (or two) in case your first idea doesn’t pan out. If you have a second option already in mind when the first plan falls through you won’t get roped into the expensive restaurant that you don’t really want to go to.

How do you keep from going broke?

If you are going on a lot of dates (or just tight on cash) then paying for dates might seem overwhelming. But don’t worry, because there are a lot of great dates you can take a woman on that will cost you next-to-nothing. For ideas on what to do on a date without breaking the bank, check out the last section of this article.

The post When Should the Guy Pay for the Date? appeared first on The Art of Charm.

Keep it simple
If you’re planning a first date with a girl you met online there’s no need for a major time or financial commitment.  After all neither of you want to get locked into an hour-and-a-half long dinner (which may cost you around $100) when it’s clear after just 5 minutes that there’s no chemistry.  So pick a date that’s cheap, easy, and won’t take more than 60-90 minutes.  Meet up for coffee, take a hike together, go for a stroll around a cool part of town, etc.  This will give you a chance to see if any chemistry exists before committing to something more involved.

Now if things go well initially you may want to have a back-up plan for how you can continue the date.  Find a fun activity in town (mini golf, bowling, live music) and see if she’s interested in going right then and there.  If you can do multiple things on your first date it’s going to create a feeling like you’ve known each other longer than you actually have.  Plus, mixing in an activity means you’re more likely to have fun together and avoid awkward tension.

Show up smiling
First online dates can cause a lot of anxiety for both men and women.  If you want to enjoy your time and help her do the same then you’ll want to ease that tension early.  So show up smiling, and walk with strong, confident body language as you roll up to meet her.

When you greet her start the conversation off with some light, content-free banter (compliments or playful teasing could work great here).  Keeping it fun and light early on will allow you both to feel more comfortable.  And that will make it easier for the two of you to connect as the date progresses.

Ask the right questions
Guys often get stuck asking dull questions during first online dates.  They’ll bounce from one question to the next (from “Where are you from?” to “What do you do?” to “Where did you go to school?”) as they gather “facts” about the woman’s life.

But merely spitting out facts makes for boring conversation.  So rather than jumping from one thread to another, dive deeper into each one.  After you ask her where she’s from, maybe ask what she thinks of her hometown, or what kind of things she did for fun growing up.  Questions like these go deeper into who she is as a person and will get her to open up on a deeper, more emotional level.  And sharing that emotion is going to get both of you feeling a strong connection to one another.

Show interest
Sometimes guys out on their first online date will try to “play it cool” and avoid showing any real interest.  But if she doesn’t think you’re interested or connected with her she very likely won’t see the point in getting together for a second date.

When showing interest on your first online date there are a few ways you can go about it.  For starters look to make warm, steady eye contact throughout the date.  From there you’ll want to mix in touch.   The trick with touch is to start light (for example, put your hand briefly on her shoulder as you lean in to talk to her) to get her comfortable with physical contact from you.  You can then touch her more and more and for longer periods of time, which will build the sexual tension to higher and higher levels.

Get your head right
What are you hoping to get out of this first online date?  A second date?  To make-out in the parking lot?  To bring her home?

If the purpose of this date is anything like the points mentioned above you could be setting yourself up for failure.  When guys go on a date hoping to get something from the girl (be it a kiss, sex, or whatever) they tend to wind up “in their head” stressing over what to do/say next.  The woman then feels that tension and inner turmoil, becomes uncomfortable, and wants nothing to do with the guy.

If you want to get rid of that stress and make it easier to relax and have a great time then stop worrying about getting a particular outcome from this first online date.  Instead just go out with the purpose of having fun.  Look to enjoy yourself first and foremost.  The more enjoyment you get out of the date the easier it’s going to be for her to relax and enjoy herself.  And that will make it far more likely you’ll wind up with that kiss, second date, or trip back to your place.

Don’t try and “get her to like you”
Finally, don’t forget that this girl you met online agreed to a first date because she’s already interested in you.  She wants this date to go well.  For most guys the job isn’t to “get the girl interested”.  It’s to simply get out of their own way so the interest and attraction the girl already feels can grow.

And nothing kills that interest and attraction like a guy who is trying to get a girl to like him.  So instead of worrying about that, focus instead on seeing if this is the right girl for you.  Don’t go into the date completely sold on her.  Give her a chance to win you over.  Being selective and actively filtering to see if she’s your type is going to help the girl see you as attractive and high-value.

More dating tips
For more dating tips that will help with your first online date and beyond, click here.

The post How to Survive Your First Online Date appeared first on The Art of Charm.

You’re afraid to be alone
Are you staying in a relationship solely because the thought of being alone terrifies you?  If so, then the best advice may be to break up.  Desperation and neediness is a terrible foundation for any relationship.  But once you overcome that fear of being alone, any relationship you enter is going to be much, much stronger.

If the fear of being alone is the only thing keeping you in a relationship it may be time to face that fear head-on.  Once you start spending time on your own you may realize it’s not so bad.  And your next relationship will be much stronger, freer, and healthier, as your enjoyment of one another will be the thing holding you together – rather than your fear of being alone.

You’re waiting for your next relationship opportunity
Some guys looking for breakup advice think the best way to handle a breakup is to first find a girl who will be “next in line”.  To set the stage so that when they finally break up with their girlfriend they can then sail immediately into the next relationship.

Not only does this likely come from the same fear of being alone that needs to be dealt with if you want a strong, happy relationship, but it’s a wildly unfair thing to do to a girl.  When she realizes you were just holding on to her while lining up your next girlfriend, she’ll likely be crushed.

So don’t be that guy.  If you feel the relationship is ending and you’re ready to move on, man-up and end it.  The woman you’re dating deserves that much.

You’re just used to it
Sometimes guys stay in a relationship out of sheer habit.  The love, passion, excitement – all that good stuff is long gone.  They are just in the relationship because they’re used to it.

In times like this you want to ask yourself, is this really the life you want?  If not, what would that life look like?  What would your ideal relationship be?  Could this woman be a part of that situation?  If so, that’s great.  You can start looking for things you can do to make your relationship fit that more ideal scenario.

But if not, then you may want to consider breaking up advice.  Otherwise, if you merely “settle” for what’s available, you miss out on the more loving, passionate, exciting relationships that are out there.  And that can lead to feelings of regret and resentment, which can slowly bubble up over time and ruin the relationship anyway.

You’re thinking “Once ____ happens it will be different”
Guys will stay in a relationship thinking that the girl or relationship will change once they hit a certain point.  For example they’ll think that once they move in together or have kids, the dynamic of the relationship will be better.  Or once one of you lands that new job, gets promoted, or finishes that big project they’ve been working on, everything will change.

The problem with this thinking is it’s not based in reality.  If you want to predict how a relationship will be in the future all you have to do is look at how the relationship has been in the past.  Because those same patterns are going to repeat themselves.  Sure landing that job might provide some relief, but it’s only a matter of time until something else pops up that’s preventing the relationship from being what you want.

And the goes for the woman you are with, too.  If you are expecting her behavior will change once X, Y, or Z happens, you’re in for a rude awakening.  If you’re not connecting at the level you want now superficial changes in lifestyle aren’t likely to change that.  (Especially if those changes involve an increase in responsibilities and put more demands on the relationship – such as moving in together or having kids).

You’re in it to please others
Is this the relationship you want?  Is this really the girl you want to be with?  Or have outside forces chosen this girl for you.  Are you dating her merely because you like the validation you get from friends?  Are you dating a girl because she’s the kind of woman your parents think you should be with?

You’re never going to be in a happy relationship if you date women to please others.  So you’ve got to ask yourself – if the rest of the world was indifferent to whether or not you dated this woman, would you still be with her?  If the answer to that question isn’t “Yes!” then the best advice could be to break up.

You don’t want to hurt her
When guys look for breakup advice it’s often because they want to be able to break up with a girl without hurting her.  But breakups hurt.  That’s just the way it is. And if you’re avoiding that breakup conversation because you don’t want to hurt a girl, you’re actually doing a lot more long-term damage than if you just broke things off.

Besides, it’s unfair to convince a woman she’s in a loving relationship when she’s not.  At that point you’re just holding her back from being in the fulfilling relationship she wants.  So yes, the breakup will hurt at first, but in the long run it’s the best thing that can happen for her and you.  If you don’t feel like you’re right for each other, she deserves that chance to move on and find the guy who is a better match.

More breaking up advice
For more practical breaking up advice, check out The Art of Charm podcast on how to break up with your girlfriend.

The post Breaking Up Advice | The Wrong Reasons to Stay in a Relationship appeared first on The Art of Charm.

Tinder
This might be the best dating app for you simply because it’s so well known.  There is no shortage of women to message and potentially meet up with as thousands of women are hopping on and off this dating app all the time.

The fact that women are constantly jumping on and off Tinder is a good reminder not to take this too seriously.  Don’t spend twenty minutes agonizing over what message to send.  Or worrying about whether you get a response or not.  When sending that first message just keep it short, punchy, and have fun.

While we’re on the subject of first messages – don’t wait for or expect a girl to message you first.  She’s already got a flood of guys messaging her so she doesn’t need to send out any first messages.  So send the first message yourself while keeping it fun and playful.  Do that and you have a good shot at standing out from the other guys sending the same boring lines.  (For a free in-depth report on how to succeed with Tinder – including examples of what to say in your first message – click here).

Hinge
While an app like Tinder is more focused on quantity, Hinge is more focused on quality.  Instead of just introducing you to any woman within a certain radius, Hinge introduces you to women who share the same Facebook friends as you.  So you’re more likely to have things in common with the women you meet through this app.

Hinge is also less of a “hookup” app and more of a proper dating app.  So when planning to meet up with girls you meet on Hinge you’re going to want to come up with a fun date idea for the two of you.  Instead of just meeting for drinks or dinner, do an activity together.  Check out some live music, go bowling, take her out on a hike – do something active that’s fun in its own right.  This will help ease that first date tension and make it easier for you both to relax and enjoy yourselves.  (You’ll also have a better chance of her saying “yes” to your offer for a date when you suggest a fun activity.)

Happn
Interested in that girl you walked by at the coffee shop and kicking yourself for not saying hi when you had the chance?  Happn will help you get that second chance.  This App gives you the profiles of single women in your immediate area so you won’t have to suffer through anymore “missed connections” (click here to learn more about this app).

Since Happn uses the GPS in your phone it’s going to eat at your phone’s battery life pretty quickly.  So you’ll want to be sure to charge it frequently if you’re going to take advantage of this new dating app.

Coffee Meets Bagels
If you want something more low-key then Coffee Meets Bagels is what may very well be the best dating app for you (check it out at coffeemeetsbagel.com).  With this App you get matched up with one girl each day at noon.  If you like each other, you’ll get the chance to shoot her a message and meet up for lunch or coffee.

A potential benefit of meeting women with this dating app is that grabbing coffee in the daytime is a pretty low-key event.  You may not feel the pressure of a “real date” that you might experience meeting a girl for dinner or drinks at night.  Plus, when meeting a girl in the daytime environment it’s often much easier for you each to relax and be your authentic selves.

At the end of the day if you are interested in that more laid-back meeting, and don’t want to deal with scrolling through all sorts of profiles each day, then this might be the best dating app for you.

Mixxxer
If you’re not really interested in “dating” and just want to get straight to hooking up, then you may want to look into mixxxer.  It’s not free, but that’s often a good thing.  After all it means the women using it have skin in the game.  Since they are paying to use it they are going to take it more seriously and be more engaged than if it were free.

More dating apps and resources
Instead of doing a lot of work researching what the best dating app is, you might be better of trying a bunch out and seeing for yourself what is the best dating app.  After all there’s no rule that you have to pick just one.  You can always use several different dating apps at a time to meet as many women as possible.

While you’re at it you may want to utilize online dating websites as well.  Since the profiles are longer there you’ll have more opportunity to show off your personality.  It will also give you a chance to learn more about the women before you message them, so you can decide if it’s worth sending that message.

Now just be sure that when you write your online dating profile you do it when you’re in a positive, upbeat mood.  When you’re in this state of mind you’re automatically going to have more fun, be more creative, and wind up with a more engaging profile than if you did it when you were feeling down.

Going beyond dating apps
There’s no getting around it – dating apps are very much a numbers game.  So don’t let them be your only means of meeting women.  Use them as a supplement – as something to check out for just a few minutes a day.  Because there are plenty of women out right now, at farmers markets, grocery stores, coffee shops, parks, book stores, etc. who would love to meet a guy in real life.  So give these women what they want.  Go up, say hi, and get a conversation going the old fashion way.  For tips on how to do that, click here.

The post What is the Best Dating App for You? appeared first on The Art of Charm.

Picnic
Forget the stuffy fancy restaurant.  What girl wouldn’t love a romantic picnic in a park?  Bring a blanket, pack some wine, cheese and crackers, sandwiches – whatever you want – and take her out to enjoy some fresh air and sunshine.

What’s great about a picnic is that instead of feeling that pressure to keep the conversation fun and engaging – like you might feel when staring at one another in a restaurant – you’ll both feel more relaxed and at ease.  You can enjoy nature, do some people-watching, and let a more natural, spontaneous conversation arise.

Geocaching
Geocaching is a fun second date idea that is probably unlike any second date the woman has had before (learn more at geocaching.com).  This is basically a “real-world treasure hunt” where you and your date get the chance to run around town looking for “buried treasure”.  It gives you a fun activity to focus on while getting you thinking and working together.  Being on the same “team” like this is going to strengthen the connection between you.  And the fresh, new experience from a fun second date idea like this is going to help you stand out from all the other guys out there.

Hiking
Sometimes you just need to get away from the noise, stress, and hassle of everyday life.  And a nice quite hike is a great way to get that calm peace of mind.  The great thing about hiking is it gives you a chance to talk – yet talking isn’t necessary.  Together you can enjoy the beauty of nature, the quite stillness of being away from everyone, and connect over that.

Plus, if you are the type of person who enjoys hiking this is a great chance to see how this woman will fit into your lifestyle.  Rather than wasting time trying to “impress” her with things you think she wants (like a fancy dinner) you can cut straight to seeing if she is the kind of girl you could hang with in your everyday life.

Bike ride
Biking is one of the more inexpensive (perhaps free) yet fun second date ideas.  Pedaling around town not only gives you a chance to take in some beautiful scenery, but it will get your endorphins pumping.  The endorphin kick will boost her mood (and yours) and get you both feeling good.  She will associate that good feeling with you, making her more inclined to spend more time with you in the future.

The Zoo
Good luck having a bad date at the zoo.  When you bring your date to a place that’s fun and enjoyable in its own right (like the zoo) you are all but guaranteed to have an enjoyable time.

Plus, a place like the zoo gives you both a chance to learn and experience new things.  Novelty alone releases dopamine in the brain, and so this experience is likely to be enjoyable merely because it’s different from her (and your) day-to-day activities.

Mini golf
An activity like mini golf is one of those fun second date ideas you can always rely on.  Shared activities give you something to focus on other than the conversation, and even give you something to talk about.  Plus, you can get glimpses into each other’s personality that you may not get otherwise.  For example, you will get to see first-hand how she handles a little friendly competition.  Glimpses like this can help you see if she’s the kind of girl you want to spend more time with.

Cookout
What girl doesn’t want a man who can cook for her?  But rather than rushing around a hot kitchen, take it outside.  Hang out with a few drinks, show off your grilling skills, and put together a nice meal the two of you can enjoy outside.

Now if you’re going to be doing the cooking, give her a chance to contribute in other ways.  Have her bring the dessert, wine, or whatever else you think the two of you might need later.

Go big
If you are really feeling adventurous, and spending money isn’t much of an issue, then don’t be afraid to go a little bigger.  Take your date skydiving or maybe even head to an amusement park.  Provide a truly unique and enjoyable experience that’s different from the other dates she goes on.

A word of warning though: Sometimes fun second date ideas like this can backfire in the long run.  If you take her skydiving and enjoy other great adventures together early on, she’ll expect that that to continue.  So if you’re just doing these things to “win a girl over” it can hurt the relationship down the road when these things stop.  So instead of seeking out activities to “wow” her, do them because you enjoy them.  That way you can see if she fits your life the way it is, and you will be less likely to run into problems down the road.

Where to find fun second date ideas
If you want more fun second date ideas, check your local paper and stay up-to-date on events going on in your area.  You can also check out sites like thrillist.com, meetup.com, or even groupon.com as they can be great tools for finding “hidden gems” you never knew existed in your area.

More dating tips and advice
Fun second date ideas will go a long way in making that date a success.  But there are other factors at play that will determine how things ultimately go.  For example, you’ll also want to be sure your body language is on point so you come across as the confident, charismatic man women are attracted to.  To learn more about things like that, check out the Art of Charm’s Free Insider Toolkit.  You can gain immediate access simply by entering your email in the box to the right of this article.

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