I remember one particular day in seventh grade…
I was rattling on and on to my dad yet again, gossiping about this person and that person that he didn’t know and bless his heart, probably didn’t care about at all. I was all, “Blah blah blah, she likes him but he doesn’t like her, which doesn’t make sense because she’s so much prettier, but he went with the other girl anyway and all of US were like, oh my god, that’s so weird, because we all like her better than her and ALL the boys like her, so it’s crazy that he went to that other girl, blah blah blah…” My dad suddenly said:
“Honey, no one is everyone’s cup of tea.”
Whoa. It rocked my eleven year old world. My little girl brain had been watching and observing and calculating how the boys and the girls in our class and the eighth graders were mixing and matching and who was “going out” with whom. It was widely known that the other Kim and one of the Kathys were the two prettiest girls in our class, so it made sense that they scored eighth grade boyfriends. There were several of us who were second-tier cute, so we decided that we all had fair chances at the cute boys in our own class. We girls talked about these things often, spending hours categorizing the girls in our class and the eighth grade girls as well as all the boys, like little matchmakers deciding who was worthy of whom.
So when my dad suddenly dropped that bomb – that PERSONAL TASTE might have something to do with people’s choices, not just our lists of people’s positive and negative physical attributes, it hit my eleven year old self hard. It threw a huge wrench into the works for me.
Again, I was lucky to have parents that put me in situations that built my self-esteem over the course of my life, in ways that had nothing to do with my physical attributes. So as my young self pondered this new perspective, it opened a whole new world for me. If no one is everyone’s cup of tea, like my dad said…
Did that mean that in spite of my braces, my glasses that covered three-quarters of my face, my three pimples (and the other two that I could feel were about to erupt on either side of my nose) and the fact that we had decided that the other Kim and both Kathys were prettier than I – did that mean that maybe one of those eighth grade boys might like ME one day? It was a heavy question. Because if it wasn’t just looks that decided these things, then it was… something else. Something more.
Fast forward to an Art of Charm boot camp in Houston…
The place we’re at was amazingly crowded, with everyone having to push past each other, people everywhere, moving inside and outside to the patio and back again. The energy is great and we are all having a really good time. I’m slowly making my way inside to check on a student, smiling and saying hey to everyone who was squeezing past me in the opposite direction. A very tall guy is making his way outside with a bottle of beer tucked in between each knuckle on both hands, which I thought was pretty cool.
As we passed each other, I tilted my head to the side in the most adorable manner possible, smiled up at him with my most charming, enchanting smile, batted my eyelashes and said, “Oh! Is one of those for me?” in a cute teasing tone to relay that I was just having some fun and being silly. He stared at me with a stony face and snapped, “No.”
Well, I was in such a fun, happy mindset, I just busted out laughing. I could not believe he was so serious! Still laughing, I said, “Wow! You are really just not impressed with me at all, are you?”
He slowly looked me up and down, from head to toe and back again, made a face like he had just seen something disgusting and said, “No.”
Total blow out. My worst one ever.
Some people find me charming and friendly and engaging. Not this guy. Not at all!
I was definitely not that man’s cup of tea.
I hear and read a lot of guys’ comments about how pretty girls have it so easy. Let me tell you, even hot girls are not everyone’s cup of tea, as the long conversations I have with my hottie female friends prove this over and over, as they lament why this guy or that guy that they want doesn’t like them back, or why he cheated on her, or how they can get this particular guy or that one.
Here’s the deal, people:
Whether a person male or female, no matter the situation, until we interact with someone new, we have no idea if that person is our cup of tea. Nor do they know if we are theirs, right? And of course, we know that the only way to find out is… to go over there and interact.
Keep my dad’s advice in your mind. No one is everyone’s cup of tea. It doesn’t matter if this girl or that girl wasn’t into you, because you just walked past three girls that YOU weren’t into, right? We keep working on ourselves, working on being the best we can be, and that will always be someone’s cup of tea.