blog-def

How to Learn from Your Ex-Girlfriends

Every breakup is a learning opportunity. But if you don’t know how to learn from your ex-girlfriends and past relationships, then you just wind up making the same mistakes again and again. To make sure this doesn’t happen to you, take a look at the tips below on how to learn from your ex-girlfriends.

Moving on from a breakup the smart way
When moving on from an ex-girlfriend, take some time and examine what went wrong in the relationship. Specifically, look for common themes in your relationships with women. Have all your relationships had the same problems? Did they all end the same way? If the same issues continually arise, it’s likely there’s something you’re doing that’s causing them to happen. This is a great starting point for learning from past relationships.

This exercise for learning from your ex-girlfriends isn’t about blame or beating yourself up. It’s about moving on from a breakup skillfully by becoming aware of your own destructive patterns. Once you know what your patterns are – and accept responsibility for them – you can change them going forward. In the future, when you start dating after the breakup, you’ll be able to avoid those problems from ever coming up in the first place – or at least be prepared to handle them once they arise.

Positive lessons to learn from your ex-girlfriends
Getting over a breakup can do a number on your confidence and self-esteem. If you only focus on what went wrong then it’s going to be that much harder to move on from a breakup. So when looking to learn from your ex-girlfriends, remember to also look for positive takeaways from your relationships.

Even as your dealing with a breakup, ask yourself, what went well in the relationship? What are the positive highlights and how did you contribute to them? In what ways were you an awesome boyfriend? How was she better off having you in her life? What did you gain from being in that relationship?

Focusing on the positives of the relationship– as well as your strengths as an individual – is key in getting over a breakup and learning from past relationships. It’ll build confidence in yourself and get you excited to start dating after a breakup – so you can go out and get the girl that’s right for you.

(To learn all about how to get a girlfriend and form a successful relationship, check out the Art of Charm Podcast with relationship expert Charles Orlando)

Learning from your ex-girlfriend directly
If you are genuinely interested in learning from your ex-girlfriend, then meet up and talk to her directly. Hear her side of the story on how and why things went the way they did. Use her as a source of personal dating advice by listening closely to how she experienced you in the relationship. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and better understand the impression you make on women – which will go a long way in attracting women and getting a girlfriend that lasts.

In order to talk to a woman like this, you need two things. First, you have to be willing to accept her feedback completely. Don’t argue or start playing the blame game. Learning from an ex-girlfriend means listening and understanding her view. This may be painful, so only try it if you’ve moved on from the breakup completely.

Secondly, only do this is you are genuinely interested in hearing her feedback and learning from it. This isn’t an exercise to get your ex-girlfriend back. It’s about growing as a man so that you can move on from the relationship and not repeat the same mistakes the next time you get a girlfriend.

(For more on this method of learning from your ex-girlfriend checkout part 2 of the Art of Charm Podcast with relationship expert Susan Winter)

How to learn from your ex-girlfriends (and create the perfect relationship)
You can move on from a breakup and learn from your ex-girlfriend by using your relationship experience to piece together exactly what you want next time you get a girlfriend. Ask yourself, what are the qualities in your ex-girlfriends that you liked? What qualities did you not like? What aspects of the relationships did you enjoy and what would you have changed? Use this knowledge and write down exactly what you want your next relationship to be like.

After doing this exercise you’ll know exactly what you’re looking for when you go out and meet women. This selectivity alone is going to make you more attractive to women (and get women chasing you). But more importantly, it’s going to keep you from falling into a bad relationship with the wrong girl. Keep screening for what you desire until you get the girl that’s right for you.

Using friends to learn from a breakup
Getting an outsiders perspective can be incredibly helpful when you’re dealing with a breakup and learning from an ex-girlfriend. Some lessons from a relationship are simply impossible to see for yourself – but obvious once a friend points them out.

When dealing with a breakup, see what you can learn from the relationship by asking your friends what they thought of your relationship/ex-girlfriend. They may have seen early warning signs, noticed worrisome changes, or have insight into why breaking up with your girlfriend was the best thing that could have happened to you.