Why Your PUA Openers Won’t Ever Work

pua openersI meet a lot of guys who try PUA openers, but most guys don’t seem to have a lot of success with them. The PUA opener isn’t a great way to start a conversation. You might have tried them in the past, but don’t know why they don’t work. Not only will I explain why, I’ll give you an alternative that’s going to supercharge your social life.

PUA Openers Are Dishonest

PUA openers don’t work because they don’t allow you to be yourself. Most involve some kind of trick or gambit to get a woman’s attention. There’s always a bit of performance involved in social situations, but the PUA method as a whole has you trying to be one thing when you’re out socializing and another thing the rest of the time. By contrast, The Art of Charm method wants you being yourself — your best self — all the time.

How to Start Talking to Women

We have a different way of opening conversations at The Art of Charm. We have a number of stock phrases that we call banter lines to open a conversation. These aren’t “pickup lines.” Rather, they’re ways for you to get the conversational ball rolling in a way that is natural and comfortable for both of you. Examples of banter lines include:

  • “Did you save this seat for me?”
  • “I hate this place. I always get treated like a sausage with feet.”
  • “You girls look like total players.”
  • “Can you watch my drink? I’m afraid I might get roofied in here.”
  • “I want to see your game. Try and pick me up.”

A great big smile will let her know that you’re joking around. Go with the scenario for a bit. Get her laughing. Get her to loosen up. Once you’ve done that, it’s time for you to start getting to know one another a little better.

Let Her Know You’re Into Her

Another reason that PUA openers don’t work is that they have you trying not to show interest. Women like when you show interest; They want to know that you’re interested in them for reasons other than how they look. Showing interest is a great way to move the conversation forward from simple banter. Here are two ways we do that in The Art of Charm method:

  • You seem cool. Tell me three things about you. This shows her that you want to get to know her. It also allows her to choose what information she is going to share with you.
  • I dig you. What’s your deal? This is more open ended. Her “deal” could be anything. The point is that, once again, it communicates interest while also allowing her to determine what she shares.

Once she starts sharing things about herself with you, she’s going to find it hard to stop. That’s when we get into making deeper connections.

Building The Connection

Light, playful conversation helps to take some of the pressure inherent in social situations away. Expressing interest lets her know that you’re genuinely curious about her, that you want to know more. Now the floor is open for you to ask her all the things you want to know: About her home life, her social life, her work life. Here’s a couple pointers on making the connection in a single conversation:

  • Keep it open-ended: Ask questions that allow for more open answers. For example, don’t ask her if she comes to the bar a lot. Ask her what she likes about the bar.
  • Use touch: Playfully touching a woman on the arm while you’re talking is going to go a long way toward breaking down barriers. You’ll be surprised at how quickly things progress with just a little innocent touching.
  • Connect to what she’s saying: When you talk to her, build on what she’s saying. Don’t just start talking about what you like about the bar. Start by talking about what she said, then connecting it to what you have to say.
  • Smile, smile, smile: Smiling is a great way to communicate that you are nonthreatening, friendly and easy to talk to. Make sure to smile with your whole face — your eyes and your cheeks — not just your mouth.

The Art of Charm method of conversation is going to have you talking to women you used to only dream about — and it’s going to have you getting numbers and dates. Make a plan to try it out this weekend. I have no doubt that you’re going to see an immediate increase in your success.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1144 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

Email · Google+ · Facebook


in Art of Dating, Flirting And Attraction

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.