When it comes to texting a girl you just met, one tiny mistake can ruin everything. It can be helpful then, to have a set of texting rules that will keep you from slipping up while answering that age-old question, “Should I text her?”
For some texting advice, here are five of the common mistakes guys make in the dating scene when texting girls—and what you can do to avoid them.
- Giving up too easily on your text messages to a girl
- Texting a girl too much
- Taking your texts to a girl too seriously
- Not texting enough women
- Missing the big picture when it comes to texting women
1) Giving up too easily on your text messages to a girl
One mistake guys make when texting girls is giving up too easily. They’ll text a girl, and if they don’t get a follow-up text (or just get a brief reply) they’ll assume the girl isn’t interested and give up.
But this is often the biggest mistake guys make.
After all, the reasons a girl won’t respond to a text message sometimes have nothing to do with whether or not she’s interested. For instance, she might be in the middle of a busy day, in a bad mood, or simply unsure of how she wants to respond to your text. The point is you don’t always know what’s going on when you text a girl, so there’s no point in assuming the worst.
And even if you’re right and she isn’t interested at that moment, that doesn’t mean she won’t change her mind. But if you’re going to change her mind (and get her to start texting you), texting etiquette requires you to stay engaged.
So if a girl doesn’t text you back or doesn’t seem that interested, but you want to stay engaged, here’s what you can do. Give her a bit of time. A few hours probably isn’t enough. Give it a few days, or even a few weeks. Then re-engage the girl with a text.
Like all texts, you want the re-engaging text to the girl to be light, fun, and playful. Be the cool person who isn’t bugging her about texting back. Also, you’ll have better odds of getting her to respond to your text if you ask a question that compels her to reply.
Here’s a real-life example of what a good re-engaging text to a girl may look like:
Hey crazy face… are you still alive? Should I send a search party of midget ninjas (or ninjas as they prefer to be called) to come rescue you?!
Keep this light, fun, playful tone in your texts to a girl will get her smiling and you will put her in a good mood. If you can get her to smile, you’ll likely get a text from her soon.
2) Texting a girl too much
Nothing can kill attraction and ruin your chances of seeing a girl again quite like texting a girl too much. It makes a guy look needy and provides no challenge for the girl (which means she may quickly lose interest and move on).
To avoid the common mistake guys make of sending a girl too many messages, here are a few tips for texting girls that will help you text a girl the right amount. Keep in mind these tips also apply to girls you’re talking to on any online dating app.
The magic 1:1 ratio
When texting a girl, keep the text ratio close to 1:1. This is not a hard and fast rule, but a guideline to be aware of. Text her about as many times as she texts you (and look to keep them roughly the same length). If you’ve already responded to her then the answer to the question, “Should I text her?” is no.
Say more with less
Cut out needless text messages. Don’t text a girl in situations where a response isn’t necessary. For example, you don’t need to reply to her “have a good night!” text if you’re just going to say “you too!” At that point, the conversation is already over. Let it end with her and she’ll be the one waiting to hear back from you, not the other way around.
Abundance > Scarcity
Keep an abundance mentality. Over-texting a girl tends to be the result of scarcity and neediness. That is, guys feel they need things to go well with her because they are afraid it’s the only opportunity they’ll have with a girl for a long time.
To avoid this, you want to have an abundance mentality when texting women.
Simply imagine that you have one hundred other amazing girls that are actively interested in you. This will help you from getting too hung up on that one girl and prevent you from texting her too much.
Remember a barrage of texts, even if spread out over the course of several days is one of the biggest attraction killers.
3) Taking your texts to a girl too seriously
There is a time and place for a serious conversation with a girl, and the written word is NOT it. Trying to have a serious conversation over text is exhausting and nobody likes doing it. Not to mention there are too many differences in communication between two people, so it’s easy for “serious” texts to be misinterpreted.
So keep the serious “let’s-get-to-know-each-other” conversations to phone calls and real life, even if you two just started texting or spent some quality time together.
When texting a girl, focus on keeping the texting style fun and keeping it light. Grammar isn’t a big deal, but try to avoid using bad grammar in every text.
Now, a great way to make sure you keep things light in your texts to girls is by using emoticons. Lots of guys shy away from emoticons and think they’re “girly”.
But guess what?
You’re texting a girl and girls like that stuff. Plus, they ensure that she won’t take what you say out of context. She won’t have to guess what your mood is because the emoticons convey that for you. As a result, they help you avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary drama.
4) Not texting enough women
When a guy is just texting one girl at a time, it’s easy for him to get wrapped up in that “scarcity” mentality mentioned earlier. And that can lead to sending desperate texts, which is one of the biggest attraction killers. If you want to get out of that mindset for good and become a master at texting girls, then you should be texting lots of women.
Texting a lot of women will help that abundance mentality develop naturally. Once you have that texting skill, you’ll bring a fun, carefree attitude to all your texts and interaction with women – which is going to make you that much more attractive. Plus, with all that practice, you’ll gain an intuitive knowledge of what to text a girl and when to stop texting—your confidence in texting will go through the roof.
You’ll transform into a master of texting game who knows and naturally follows all the rules for texting girls.
5) Missing the big picture when texting women
Sometimes guys forget just why they are texting a girl. They get wrapped up in idle chit-chat and completely lose track of the big picture. The big picture, of course, is to get the girl to meet up through text.
This is important because girls start losing interest fast and you risk looking like a boring person. Think about how quickly you would get bored with one girl if you were talking to a ton of other amazing women and one of them was just “eh” about hanging out.
Now, this doesn’t mean that texting girls is all logistics and planning. See, the fun, playful texts like the one mentioned earlier still play a role. Fun texts are key to re-establishing that attraction that will make her excited to see you.
But from there, remember that the purpose of your texts to a girl is to keep moving the interaction forward and establish a cool conversation. Do not forget this dating advice. Texting is just one of many forms of communication, but it has to go somewhere. Therefore, your texts to women should be about building attraction and planning the meet-up. If your text conversations with a girl don’t have purpose and direction, it’s likely she’ll get bored and her attraction may begin to fade.
If this seems like a lot of information, I don’t blame you, I’ve been there. If you want to get a handle on this ASAP so you don’t mess up your chance with the next girl you’re really into, check out Conversation Magic. It’s life-changing when you learn how simple and effective the fundamentals of engaging conversation are.
How to tell if she’s interested
Knowing how interested she is can help you answer the question, “Should I text her?” Below are five easy-to-identify signals that she is curious about you. Once you start noticing these, your dating life will be fun.
She’s quick to respond
Girls respond quickly to guys they like. It’s as simple as that. Sure, sometimes she’s busy, but people make time for the things in their lives they’re excited about. And women are indeed people.
If she consistently responds within minutes, that’s a quick response time. She wants to keep talking to you.
She asks you questions
Curiosity is the source of attraction. So if a girl is attracted to you she will ask you questions to learn more about you.
Answer the questions, but remember the 1:1 rule—don’t write an essay in response to a single question.
If a girl digs you, she wants to keep talking.
Maybe she asks you a question immediately after her last text. Or maybe she asks you a question and answers the question herself before you have a chance to answer it. She’s sharing information about herself in an effort to connect with you.
So if she sends you multiple texts in a row, then the answer to your question, “Should I text her?” is a solid yes.
Pay attention to how the conversation flows. If it feels like you’re pulling teeth after you started talking, it could mean she’s not into you (or she doesn’t like texting).
It’s not easy for many guys and girls to be vulnerable.
Especially in the initial stages when neither of you knows each other. It can be scary to show vulnerability in a text conversation because we can’t rely on facial expressions and body language as we do in an actual conversation.
This is why it’s not advisable to text girls about serious/sensitive topics. Thoughtful messages are fine on occasion, especially right before you know you’re going to see her and have that conversation in person.
Vulnerability is how we connect as humans. So if a woman opens up and shares details about her personal life, it is a good sign she likes you and trusts you not to judge her (so DO NOT judge her).
Good morning and good night texts
If a girl sends you a text message, she’s thinking about you.
Therefore, if she sends you a good morning text, chances are she’s thinking about you when she wakes up. In that case, the answer to the question, “Should I text her?” is a yes.
And if she texts you before going to sleep, she’s ending her day thinking about you. Don’t text her back that same evening. Have fun and play hard to get from time to time.
Should I Text a Girl ‘How Was Your Day?’
No, especially if you are just getting to know her.
The initial text conversation is a way to create a playful environment where you get to know each other in an entertaining manner.
When you text “How was your day?” you’re taking information away from her, without providing any information in return. Plus, the woman has to think about how her day was.
Surprisingly, this puts a lot of pressure on her.
Instead, focus on evoking emotions. A good rule of thumb is to think, “If I received that text, would I laugh?” If your answer is yes, it is most likely a good text to send because it conveys your personality and appeals to emotions.
How do you Keep a Girl Texting You?
The key to keeping a woman texting you is to use playful banter.
Text in a lighthearted manner.
For example, you can misinterpret what she is saying and turn the dynamics around by making it seem like she is chasing you. If she says “I love the Matcha Lattes in this coffee shop. You should totally check it out sometime,” then you could say, “Whoa, I wanted to get to know each other more before our first date, but I like where your head’s at :)”
Other guys get very invested in texting women and try to convince them to go out with them. If you can be that guy who communicates his standards, you will stand out from the other guys.
Ultimately, you cannot make anyone do anything.
You can increase your chances with a woman with these techniques, but whether she’ll wanna hang out or respond to your text messages is not in your control. There are many reasons that may have nothing to do with you for why she might stop texting or take a while to respond.
If things do not work out, stop texting and don’t take it personally.
How do I Text a Girl Without Being Needy?
There are two aspects to this: mental and practical.
Mentally, develop a mindset of abundance.
Generally, when guys are acting needy, it is because they think that the woman that they are texting is the only option they will have for a while or they are putting her on a pedestal as if she’s perfect or unattainable.
If you put yourself in situations where you are constantly meeting women that you might be interested in and talking to them, you will know that you have other options.
There are also two quick techniques you can use when texting a girl.
First, make sure you keep the text ratios around 1:1. Send her as many texts as she sends you, and keep them around the same length. Secondly, don’t text her unnecessarily. Your texts should either communicate value and be playful or move things forward in terms of logistics.
What time should I text her?
Wait until the afternoon or evening to text her. People are often busy in the morning because we work out, get ready for the work day, commute to the office, attend meetings, check email, etc… If you don’t wait for the morning to end, you risk that text message getting lost in the hustle and bustle of her morning routine.
Should I stop texting her for a while?
If you’ve sent her 2 or 3 text messages and she hasn’t responded, then yes, stop texting her for a while. Give it a few days, maybe even a week or two.
If you don’t stop texting her, you’re not making a good impression and you might eventually send the wrong message. You’ll come across as needy for trying to keep a conversation going that she isn’t interested in. It doesn’t mean she won’t be interested in conversation in the future. But you need to give her time until she starts thinking, “What happened to that fun guy I was talking to a few days ago?”
What should I do when we meet up?
If texting is the tool we use to move the interaction toward hanging out, then we should put thought and effort into what we do during that time. Meeting up is your opportunity to show her your personality, so the goal should be to come across as a confident man who has a life she would want to be a part of.
If you feel comfortable conveying that during a coffee date, that is a simple option and works for many guys. It’s cheap, which can be important if you’re going on multiple dates a week, and it’s easy to cut short if it’s not going well.
If you want to build an environment conducive to your success, think about what you enjoy doing and invite her to be a part of it.
For example, if you belong to a local running club, invite her to join you the next time the club meets. You’ll be comfortable in your environment, you’ll do something physical together which releases endorphins, and it gives her an opportunity to see what your life is like and who you associate with.
If you like cooking, take a cooking class together or invite her over to prepare a meal with you. If you enjoy art, consider taking a painting class where everyone brings a bottle of wine. Or invite her to your place to paint together.
The first few dates should be low pressure and comfortable for you because your comfort and confidence will make her feel comfortable in your presence. There’s already enough pressure on both of you to put your best feet forward when getting to know each other, so make the time you spend together work for you, not against you.
In a Nutshell—Should I Text Her?
If you follow the advice above, you will always have the answer to, “Should I text her?”
Remember the fundamentals:
- Don’t give up so easily.
- Don’t text a girl too much or she’ll get bored.
- Keep your texts lighthearted and playful.
- Text a girl as if you have plenty of other girls to talk to.
- You text a girl because you want to hang out with her, so move the conversation in that direction.
If you don’t want to risk getting tongue-tied and screwing things up when you schedule that next date, check out Conversation Magic now to make sure your date doesn’t crash and burn. With our bulletproof formula, you’ll be flirting up a storm, sparking unforgettable conversations, and attracting the high-quality women you want to date!