Sensitive or Macho? How About Both?

The world is filled with false dichotomies. Knowing how to be attractive to women is no exception. One of the biggest ones out there in the world of dating advice is the idea of being “sensitive” versus being “macho,” often times referred to as the “alpha” versus “beta” divide. This false dichotomy is one that a lot of men struggle with when they first put their mind to the topic of meeting more women. However, The Art of Charm is here to tell you that this false dichotomy is going to cause you a lot more harm than good.

Do “Girls Like Jerks?”

When there’s a guy who goes from being very supplicative and approval-seeking to being more commanding, a lot of times he comes to the conclusion that “girls like jerks.” But of course they don’t. The issue isn’t that “girls like jerks,” it’s that they like confident men and jerks tend to at least be able to fake confidence. It’s not that they like jerks, but that jerks are more likely to approach without being afraid of the consequences. It’s not that they like jerks, it’s that jerks are better at selling themselves as interesting men than most guys. So, when trying to figure out how to be attractive to women, don’t turn into an megalomaniac.

Getting the Macho Side Down

Getting the “manly” side of things down is a lot easier than you might think. Rather than trying to be gruff, forbidding and disapproving, instead you want to be outgoing, confident and self-reliant. Don’t look to others for approval, but don’t be afraid to give approval to others, either. Indeed, one of the most powerful things that you can do when you meet women is make them feel great about themselves when you’re around. So how do you do that?

Enter the Sensitive Side

Sensitivity gets a bad rep. You tend to think of it poorly, but reflect on this for a minute: Back in our caveman days, guys who were sensitive — that is, able to pick up on the emotions of others — were probably going to live longer and father more children than those who did not. You don’t want to be a crybaby, but you do want to be attuned to the emotions of others around you. Some men are born with the ability to do this. For others, it’s a more learned skill.

How Sensitivity Can Benefit You

You want to make women feel great around you. How do you do that? First, if you’re attuned to what makes them feel uncomfortable, you can avoid doing those things. In a more positive sense, you can know the right moment to deliver a compliment (this is one of the biggest secrets of knowing how to be attractive to women).

Compliments should always be two things: sincere and earned. Women know if you’re just making things up for the sake of complimenting them. They also don’t respect compliments that they haven’t done anything to earn.

You want to be confident and you want to stand on your own without approval from others. At the same time you want to make people feel good just by being around you. This will help you know how to be attractive to women, but it will also help you in life.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1162 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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