If you’ve been reading about social dynamics, you’ve probably come up against the concept of value. Indeed, The Art of Charm urges men not to aspire to be “alpha males,” but instead aim for being a high-value man. It’s a subtle difference, but an important one. Still, a lot of men think that value comes from having the flashiest car, the best job, the biggest paycheck or the most fashionable threads. It’s not that those things won’t help you when it comes to women; it’s just that they have nothing to do with true value.
What if I told you that the best way to get value was to start giving it away?
It’s just a fact, backed up by hard science and the battled-tested experience of social dynamics and marketing in the business community. The truth is, you’re already a high-value man; the trick is realizing this, then creating even more value by giving some of your endless resources to those around you. Read on to find out how it’s done.
Dominance Versus Prestige
The “alpha male” front relies largely on showing dominance. However, dominance isn’t how to attract a woman. In fact, it can be detrimental over time. Some key findings from a study at UCLA included:
- Women preferred men with social prestige over dominant postures.
- This was true whether the woman in question was looking for a short- or long-term partner, but particularly when it came to choosing a long-term partner, women much preferred prestige to dominance.
- Women like seeing dominance behaviors in the context of sports, but not in terms of socializing.
- Dominance behaviors aren’t neutral — they’re actively penalized by women selecting for short- and long-term partners.
What does this mean? It means that women don’t really like jerks. Rather, they prefer men who earn the respect and indeed the admiration of their peers. Generosity was a trait that was particularly valued in the study and a good indicator of how to attract a woman worth attracting. This isn’t surprising, as you’re generally only stingy with things that you have in short supply. Things that you have in abundance are easy to be generous with. Thus, one of the best ways to display high value is to dispense copious amounts of value to others.
You’ve got so much, you can afford to give it away to just about anyone.
Free in the Business World
Social dynamics has a lot in common with business and marketing. After all, you’re selling the only thing that you truly own — yourself. You want to sell yourself in a way that increases the value of your brand, while also results in a high level of customer satisfaction. Your profits are your reputation.
With this in mind, it’s helpful to take a cue from the business world, where “free” is currently the hot new trend. Wired called free “the future of business.” Like most hot new trends, this isn’t “new” at all. In fact, King Gillette (the Gillette) pioneered this way back in 1903. He gave away razors, which were useless without the blades. He then made a mint selling the blades to people.
There are a few reasons that companies give things away for free that makes sense for them as much as it does for you:
- People talk: When people have a good experience with something they’ve been given, they have a tendency to talk about it to others. Applied to your social life, this means that the value you give away for free pays dividends over time in terms of your overall reputation.
- Hooking them in: Once people get value from you, chances are good that they’re going to come back for more. This can cut both ways; Everyone has experienced someone who just wants to sit around and leech your value. However, when it comes to the best-looking woman at the club, you want her coming back around for more. After all, the whole point of social dynamics as applied to dating is to get her chasing after you.
- Brand reputation: Even people who aren’t directly receiving your value will see you giving it away. Think about it: When you go out to a bar or a club, you know where the center of social gravity is, even if you’re far, far from it. Any man who pays attention can pick out the highest-value man in any given crowd. Thus, women who aren’t even near you will notice that you have a high value when you give value to others around you.
How to Attract a Woman by Giving It Away
Now comes the question, “how do I give value away?”
First, you need to understand that you truly have an unlimited supply of value. Until you fully realize this, you’re going to be held back. But don’t worry: We’ve got a cool trick that will work in the mean time, while at the same time, getting you towards the ultimate goal of seeing the limitless value you have inside.
It’s called “fake it until you make it” or “act as if.” In fact, this is now hard science and not speculation. Study after study have proven that this is an effective means of creating lasting change in your life and becoming more like the person that you want to be. In fact, it’s a cornerstone of the 12-step program for conquering addiction. You know that it’s not enough to just say you’re doing something, but believe me when I tell you that when you act as if you see change in your life.
Scratch that. Don’t believe me. Try it out and see it work.
How do you do this? One of the easiest ways is to show interest in others. The next time that you go out to the bar or the club, chat a bit with a woman. Banter. Flirt. Then say simply “You seem pretty cool” or “I dig you.” A lot of times you’ll notice that her demeanor changes. This is because most men tend to only express interest in what a woman looks like rather than who she is. It’s an intensely powerful way to give value, but also a simple one.
Another way to give away value that’s simple and easy is to high five or clink glasses with people. Just walk past someone, put up your hand and get a high five. It’s easy and you’ll almost never get shot down. When you do this, you look like the proverbial man who knows everyone in the room.