Where Is Your Swagger?

Swagger is an intriguing word. It is something all men want yet have trouble defining. Whenever you look up the definition of swagger, you can find two meanings of the word; one that talks about carrying yourself in a confident manner while the other is about carrying yourself in a loud, arrogant and boastful manner.

Like all body language, it can be done in such a way that it looks overcompensating or like you’re trying too hard. Walking with an air of confidence can look like you have been infused with steroids. When you seem arrogant you are usually not to far away from ignorant, and nothing is more unattractive than ignorance.

Swagger is a state of mind, a confidence, knowing your own worth and being able to show it. Most importantly, it is subtle. These movements coming from someone too overtly will come off as non-verbal bragging or being “fake”. It won’t be natural. It should be under the radar so to speak, with someone only noticing by zeroing in on you out of curiosity, not by you seeking attention.

If you are trying to find your swagger, try these helpful tips:

1. Get in touch with your body – Make sure you are physically active several times a week. To be in control of what your body is communicating, you have to be in control of your body. If you need help in this area try a martial arts class, yoga or dancing. Find something you have fun doing. Get off your butt.

2. Feel the music around you – It is one thing to hear the music that’s playing, but it is another to feel it. Allow it to infect your thoughts and how your body wants to move to it. Find the music that urges you to feel sexy, allow it to take you farther than ever before and soak it in through all of your pores.

3. Try to do regular body checks – We all know what confident body language looks like and if we are not thinking about it our bodies go naturally to our default body position. Chin up, shoulders down and back and arms at our sides. Think about a chain pulling us up into the ceiling from the base of our skull and stand as tall as can be. Do this several times a day until you have internalized your new body language.

4. Get some clothes that fit – As superficial as it is, the easiest way to change is from the outside in with the inside playing catch up. It’s called fake it till you make it. I personally know what a new pair of jeans, new shirt and a new pair of shoes does for me. Get your self to the mall or a hip thrift or vintage store and have the sales girl help you out. Go through a couple men’s magazines first and pick out a few ideas, cut them out and take them to the store with you.

5. If you are feeling good so be it – Don’t be afraid to let others fall by the way side if you are feeling good about yourself. There is an old saying that if you put a bunch of crabs into a pot of boiling water that they will climb all over each other to get out. If any of the crabs makes it close to freeing itself one of the other crabs will pull it back in. Most humans aren’t so different and if you start working on yourself, you will see that some of your friends might not have had your best intentions in mind after all. They will do whatever is necessary to keep you next to them in the game of life. What can I say? Misery loves company. You will have to find yourself some new friends who can be supportive in your wants and needs. Warning: Don’t forget your real friends. You are going through a transitional period and some of your older friends will be a little concerned so keep them in the loop.

6. Get that hair styled – Now that you have your new look, it needs to be complete with a new do. It doesn’t have to be outrageous or hard to maintain, just styled. You can get a decent styled hair cut for 25 -35 bucks. If you’re in the city you can go to a training school and get it done for free. Once again, check out a few pics of hairstyles you like and take them to your hairdresser. Let him or her know exactly how much maintenance you plan on dealing with.

Johnny Dzubak - author of 63 posts on The Art of Charm

Johnny happened upon the field of Social Dynamics and dating coaching quite by accident. Having been a touring musician much of his life, he felt the need to contribute positively to the world and was interested in the power of personal transformation. Johnny began educating himself about Social Dynamics and incorporating the concepts he learned into his day-to-day life. Soon after, he began coaching for a small Social Dynamics company out of Washington, DC; it was then that he met AJ & Jordan.

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