Smiling can be a great weapon for overcoming shyness. Particularly for men who are looking to overcome shyness with women. To find out what makes the smile such a powerful tool in this aspect, read on.
How a smile can boost your confidence
Just because you don’t feel confident doesn’t mean you can’t project confidence and get women noticing you. And there are few easier ways to project confidence than by putting a smile on your face. A warm, friendly smile shows you’re relaxed and comfortable, which means you’ll come across as confident and secure.
But the benefits of smiling go beyond merely helping you appear secure and confident. By forcing yourself to smile you’ll actually begin to feel positive emotions that’ll boost your confidence. Reason being, when you make yourself smile you stimulate the same area of the brain that’s active when you’re smiling naturally. You are essentially commanding your brain to start feeling more positive emotions. (To learn more about the science behind smiling click here).
Smiling is contagious
Ever notice how when you smile at someone they tend to smile back? One cause for this reaction is mirror neurons. These are neurons in the brain that pickup and mimic the body language and facial expressions of those around us. So when you smile, you can activate a person’s mirror neurons and get them smiling, too. And as discussed in the previous section, once someone starts smiling they actually start feeling more positive. The end result is the person will feel more positive around you. They’ll be more welcoming should you decide to walk up and say hi.
A little smile can have a big impact in helping you to overcoming shyness. Smiling makes women more receptive, and the more receptive women are to your approaches the more positive experiences you’ll have approaching women. And the more positive experiences you have the faster doubt, fear, and insecurity will fade away. In essence, this little smile is the first step in creating the positive momentum that will allow you to overcome shyness for good.
Get women approaching you
When you smile you show women you’re a confident, warm, and friendly guy. This not only makes women feel more safe and comfortable approaching you, but gives them more incentive to do so. That friendly confidence can go a long way in generating interest and attraction in the women that see you.
And it’s not just attractive women that’ll feel more comfortable approaching and engaging with you, it’s everyone. People passing by looking for assistance, or extraverts just looking to connect and banter, are going to be more likely to engage with you if you’re smiling. Why does this matter? Because the more experience you get socializing with strangers the easier it’s going to be to overcome shyness in all other social situations. Get comfortable talking to strangers, and that becomes a stepping stone for becoming comfortable engaging with attractive women.
Get people to like you
In addition to being approachable smiling often is going to make you more likeable. People like being around positive, upbeat, happy people. If you’re the guy who always has a smile on his face and can be happy for no reason at all, then people will enjoy being around you even more.
So don’t just use that smile to generate that initial interest. Use it throughout your conversations to keep a positive tone to your interactions. The feedback you get in the form of people wanting to spend more and more time with you will help give you the confidence boost you need to overcome shyness.
What to do when it’s hard to smile
As mentioned before forcing yourself to smile can be a great way to stimulate the area of the brain that causes you to feel good and smile naturally. But sometimes this “fake it ‘til you make it” method isn’t enough. It may take a while for that positive feeling to kick in, or there may be too much negativity working against you for this effect to make much impact. In times where you want to overcome shyness and project that confident, friendly vibe but struggle to do so, here’s what you can do:
First, have something stored away in your brain you can call on anytime you need to boost your mood. Have a go-to song that always makes you feel good, a happy memory, a motivational speech, or even a funny scene from a movie that you can recall to turn your mood around. Think of the song or memory you’d want to use for these situations now, so it’ll be locked-and-loaded when you need it.
Another technique for an instant spike in mood is simply taking a step back and noticing things in yourself and your environment that you appreciate. Focusing on gratitude is a great way to overcome negative emotions and replace them with more positive ones. This internal shift in mood will allow that smile to spread across your face more naturally.
When to stop smiling
While smiling is great for creating that initial interest and attraction there are times when smiling just isn’t a good idea. One such time is after you’ve built that initial attraction and are looking to create more sexual tension.
When things start to get more intense and sexual that friendly smile can kill the mood. In times like this you’ll want to embrace a more sexual expression and adopt “bedroom eyes”. This look will come naturally so long as you’ve got two things in mind: First, allow yourself to fully feel the attraction you have towards the girl. Feel that raw, animalistic desire you have to take her to bed right at that moment. Second, mix that feeling with a sense of awe and appreciation for the incredible woman sitting in front of you. Mixing these two sensations creates an intense sexual atmosphere that’ll help get her turned-on.
How to build confidence with women
For more tips on how to overcome shyness and build confidence with women, check out the free articles available here.
Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.
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