Confidence and Women: Why They Love It, How to Live It


You know that confidence is one of the biggest things you can use to attract women. What you might not know is why and how you can become more confidence. The good news is that anyone can become more confident with a little work and attention. Learn the connection between confidence and women and you’re going to get a lot more of both.

Why They Love It: Evolution

Confidence is a trait that women have learned to love over millions of years of human evolution. Cave men who were confident are more likely to go into the hunt with their head and spear held high, charging up to the mastodon with little fear. They were, as such, more likely to be better providers. While we no longer live in the cave man days, men who are confident are generally more successful, a nod to our cave man past.

Why They Love It: Stress

When you go out to a bar or club you probably feel a little on edge. It might take you a little time or a couple of beers before you feel comfortable. What you might not know is that basically everyone feels this way. Socializing is inherently stressful for everyone involved. Men who aren’t confident and seek approval from others bring more stress to the equation. On the other hand, men who are confident and don’t need validation from others take stress out of the equation.

Why They Love It: Pressure

Another thing that people feel during social interaction is pressure: Pressure to perform, pressure to impress others. Confident men owe a lot of their success to women because they take this pressure away. A confident man says “You’re all right” in a million subtle ways. His confidence is contagious, spreading to those around him and taking the pressure off.

How to Live It: Exercise

Exercise doesn’t just make you more confident by making you feel better about your appearance. It also releases chemicals in your brain that make you more confident. Exercise is a proven way for you to increase your confidence and self-esteem. What’s more, it’s also going to keep you in better health. It’s a win all around.

How to Live It: Posture

One of the most basic expressions of confidence is how you stand and how you walk. Standing up straight communicates that you’re a highly confident man. Slouching communicates that you’re not so sure of yourself. Here’s an exercise that will help you to have better posture: Every time that you walk through a door, do a quick body check to see how your posture is. Make any necessary corrections. Do this out at the bar, at work and at home. Do it everywhere and you’ll find that you have a lot less correcting to do.

How To Live It: Act As If

The bottom line on building confidence is to “act as if.” This means that you act as if you already have confidence. It might sound far-fetched, but science shows that when you “act as if,” you start taking on the qualities you’re pretending to have. In this case, start with the posture and throw in smiling and an overall abundance mentality; That is, act as if you already have everything that you need. You’ll be surprised at how quickly you’re not longer acting as if — you just are.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1175 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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