Kimberly Seltzer | Body Image and Confidence (Episode 507)

Kimberly Seltzer (@SeltzerKimberly) returns to the show to share her formula for creating and maintaining a confident body image based on the body we have over the body we might wish we had. This pertains to women and men, so there should be something here for everyone!

The Cheat Sheet:

  • What is the definition of confidence, and why are some of us more confident than others?
  • Why is it that so many of us don’t love our bodies?
  • Pinpoint your current body type and the options it gives you.
  • Discover the clothes that flatter your figure and enhance your confidence versus ones that deplete it.
  • Kimberly shares exercises for shedding old thought processes about body image and confidence and replacing them with newer, healthier ones.
  • And so much more…

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The Art of Charm began exclusively to help men excel at business, love, and life. Then we discovered an increasing audience of women who would tune in to the podcast and tell us how helpful we’ve been for them, commonly requesting that we might consider tailoring some episodes toward their needs.

In an effort to provide more balance to the show — and perhaps give our male audience the benefit of a woman’s perspective on this particular subject for a change — we’ve invited therapist and makeover expert Kimberly Seltzer back to talk about how our personal history shapes our confidence and how we can create and maintain a confident body image. She’ll also tell us about her How to Create Attraction Package, which is geared for women and men.

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(Direct Download Episode Here)

More About This Show

Can you say you’re happy with the type of body you’re inhabiting right now? People come in all heights, shapes, and sizes, but what makes people most attractive to potential partners is when they learn to love themselves — no matter what their body type happens to be. In episode 507 of The Art of Charm, Kimberly Seltzer tells us how we can cultivate a positive body image to become confident and secure in our own skin at any size.

The groundwork for how we view our own body image begins before age seven. “And women in particular,” says Kimberly, “it’s even harder. Because we get reinforced and socialized to look good. This is almost a mantra to our confidence. If you look good, then you’re going to be okay. And if you don’t and you feel like crap and you look like crap, you’re going to be crappy. And it’s really hard on women.”

Kimberly also points out how social media can exacerbate a negative self body image as women constantly use it to compare themselves to others. Because of this, Kimberly often gets her clients to go on social media fasts so they can better focus on themselves without the constant distraction of unfair comparisons.

“There’s Photoshop. There are great apps out there that make you look amazing. And nobody’s really posting bad things. Nobody posts a body part that they hate,” says Kimberly. “So we get this skewed image of what’s supposed to be beautiful and perfect and then we look at ourselves and we feel really bad about ourselves.”

So what is confidence? “I believe that confidence is experience,” says Kimberly. “And when somebody isn’t experienced in something, that’s when they’re not feeling confident. We’re confident in our jobs because we know them. When we first started, we weren’t so confident. So those of you who are not confident with your body image, I invite you to think about what messages you got growing up. What are you facing on a daily basis? What do you do for a living? What is your experience around shopping? So if you really get a baseline on where things are coming from, then it will help you in the future.”

As an adult, there’s not much you can do about how you were shaped as a child. But you can be aware of it and how it may have given you unrealistic feedback that affects you today. You can start to work against this negative programming and develop confidence in yourself by picking a part of yourself that you really like — not what others have told you, but what makes you feel good. “Women usually go to what they don’t like,” says Kimberly. Because of this, it might be a difficult exercise to begin — but stick with it. It’ll be worth it.

“There’s something really powerful about writing it out, saying it out loud, and really owning it,” says Kimberly. “Because that’s going to help me also determine what kind of clothes to wear, because the overall goal is to showcase the body parts that you really feel good about and de-emphasize the ones you don’t. And that’s going to help with your confidence.”

The Five Body Types

In determining your body type as a woman, understand that it’s not about weight distribution — it’s about bone structure. Grab a tape measure and get a reading on your shoulders, your waist, and your hips. Once you have these numbers, you can figure out which of the five body types pertains to you. You’re trying to achieve a balanced silhouette where your shoulders and hips are evenly distributed and your waist goes in one or two inches — that’s an hourglass figure. “Most women are not true hourglass figures,” says Kimberly, “so you need to learn how to achieve that symmetry.”

  • Hourglass: As described above.
  • Inverted Triangle: Shoulders are wider than the hips.
  • Triangle: Shoulders are smaller than the hips.
  • Rectangle (or Boyish Cut): Shoulders, hips, and waist are all the same.
  • Diamond: “As women, when we get older and go through menopause — this is the only one that has to do with weight — we get a little soft in the middle,” says Kimberly. “This is the only body type that can kind of be combined with the others.”

If you go to Kimberly’s website, you can get a free body type booklet that will help you get these measurements, find out what clothes flatter your figure, and what clothes you should avoid.

Listen to this episode of The Art of Charm in its entirety to find out the three body types for men, the difference between style and fashion, how to test the clothes you buy before you leave the store, using the 8-track metaphor to change your story by re-writing it to create a new you, and lots more.

Ever wonder how you come across on a date? Do you want to learn the secrets to creating attraction? Here is your chance to get an honest feedback and teachings from an expert. During this laser 30-minute session, you’ll get a taste of how to be the best “you” when it comes to dating, mating, and connecting with the opposite sex. Kimberly will assess your dating image, body language, dating skills, and flirting techniques and answer the real questions around how the opposite sex sees you. Whatever your challenges, Kimberly will devise a plan to teach you the skills needed to keep the opposite sex infatuated and attracted to you. Among the many lessons you’ll learn:

  • The Impression Connection and how to stand out as special, desirable, and available.
  • The three “F” factors and how to use them to create real magnetism and attraction.
  • How to walk into any environment and feel amazing and at ease (and stay that way).
  • How to communicate with an impression of desirability.

THANKS, KIMBERLY SELTZER!

If you enjoyed this session with Kimberly Seltzer, let her know by clicking on the link below and sending her a quick shout out on Twitter:

Click here to thank Kimberly Seltzer on Twitter!

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Jordan Harbinger - author of 861 posts on The Art of Charm

Jordan Harbinger has spent several years abroad in Europe and the developing world, including South America, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East, and speaks several languages. He has also worked for various governments and NGOs overseas, traveled through war zones, and been kidnapped -- twice. He’ll tell you the only reason he’s still alive and kicking is because of his ability to talk his way into (and out of) just about any type of situation. Here at The Art of Charm, Jordan shares that experience, and the system borne as a result, with students and clients.

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