How To Start Sexting A Girl – What Every Guy Must Know

If a guy doesn’t know how to start sexting a girl, one of two things is likely to happen.

Either he’ll never try it, and therefore miss out on the crucial and exhilarating process of escalating with a girl, or he’ll have a much more difficult time of engaging the women in his life.

If you want to know how to start sexting a girl in a way that will get her engaged and excited, here is a crash course.

How to Start Sexting: Setting the Tone

Stating your sexual desires completely out of the blue isn’t a great technique for how to start sexting a girl as it can catch her off-guard.  Rather than looking to just start sexting out of nowhere it’s often a good idea to set a casual, authentic sexual tone that will allow sexting to arise naturally.

A great way to steer the conversation in a sexual direction without being too crass is through misinterpretation. Interpret what she says in a way that makes it appear as though she is trying to seduce you.  She’s the one being sexually suggestive while you’re just there having an innocent conversation.  Doing this brings the sexual tension into the interaction while keeping it fun and playful.  This gives you a foundation to build sexual tension to the point where sexting becomes inevitable.

For example, if the girl asks if you want to meet for a drink, you can playfully tease her about how she’s obviously trying to get you drunk so she can take advantage of you. That kind of playfulness goes a long way and kicks off a rapport that gives her freedom to express herself sexually.

More Tension-Building Techniques

It might seem a little strange to be teaching how to start sexting a girl. Shouldn’t that sort of thing just happen organically? Misinterpretation isn’t the only way to playfully build sexual tension over text. Sexual innuendo (changing the meaning of what she says to make it sound sexual) is also a great tool to use in your texts to women. It’s fun and easy, and leads to a great back-and-forth exchange where you are both playful and sexual.

Another easy way to casually infuse sex into your conversation is the “let’s do it” text.  If she texts you something like “Want to go to a show at 6?” you can respond with “Let’s do it. Go to the show, I mean… not sex. Not yet :)”  A playful text like this helps her to see you as a sexual being without you coming on too strong.

Be Bold

If you want to learn how to start sexting a girl, you need to learn to build sexual tension playfully. And while flirting is great, at a certain point you’ll have to dive in and really own and express your sexual desires.

When the moment is right — and you’ll know when you can cross this exciting line — you can and should tell her what you’re thinking, feeling, and wanting.  Doing this can feel edgy for many of guys, but it’s necessary to take that risk.  Otherwise you’ll never see much – if any – change in the way you text women.

To help you take those risks, keep in mind that it’s perfectly acceptable to make mistakes.  You may say something now and then that doesn’t land well (I discuss how to recover from that below).  That’s to be expected so allow yourself room to slip up and don’t be too hard on yourself when you do.

And always remember, the more risks you take, the better. Your calibration will be for future texts.  Plus, you never know when that risky text will be the one that sends her over the edge and really turn her on.

Sharing Your Fantasies

Want a woman to share her sexual fantasies with you?  Want her to tell you all the things she imagines you doing to her?  To get her to open up in this way she first needs to feel safe doing so.  And the way to help her feel safe is to open up and share your own fantasies and desires first — thereby paving the way for her to join you.

Once the conversation has taken a more sexual turn you can begin to share the kind of dirty thoughts you have about her.  Use descriptive language as you do this.  Take it slow, allowing the tension to build gradually, and don’t shy away from the little details (the thoughts and feelings going on as you imagine yourself peeling her shirt off, the way you imagine her reacting, the parts of her body that draw your attention and excite you, and all the other things you imagine doing with her…) There is a classy and safe way to do this while still indulging in a sexual exchange, especially if you’re not sure how to start sexting a girl.

By going first and sharing your own sexual fantasies and desires, you show it’s safe for her to do the same.  She won’t feel as timid about opening up since you were willing to be vulnerable first.

What if She Doesn’t Play Along?

Don’t worry. As we’ve said, there may be occasions when the girl isn’t really into what you’re saying and may even become upset by it.  If this happens, don’t worry.  Recovering from a miscalculation like this is easy.

If she doesn’t like the direction you took things simply acknowledge how she feels and move on.  You want to be empathetic towards her feelings without getting too wrapped up in them.  If you start to freak out and act like it was a big deal, then it validates the thought that it was a big deal.  If you brush it off like it was just a little mistake and not worth stressing over, then she’ll be more likely to see it that way, too.

So if she gets upset, respond with a simple “I’m sorry if that upset you, you just really turn me on is all.”  Who knows — she just might respond to your candor. If not, then you can just change the subject and move on. Don’t let the possibility of miscalculating deter you. If you remain honest and respectful, there’s always a smooth dismount.

The Sexting Mindset

A lot of the hesitation guys have about sexting comes from a fear of being seen as gross or creepy when expressing their sexual interest.  To avoid coming across in that way it’s important to maintain the proper mindset when you are sexting a girl.

First, remember that this isn’t just about you.  There is an amazing, beautiful woman on the other end of these texts.  So get in touch with that sense of awe and appreciation for the woman you’re texting.  This will naturally keep you away from comments that are too crude or disrespectful. Setting the right tone is crucial if you’re teaching yourself how to start sexting a girl.

Second, tap into that raw, animalistic desire you have for this woman and let that seep out in your texts.  When a woman is attracted to you she will want to see that side of you.  Instead of overthinking it and trying to text exactly what you think she wants to hear, simply express how you feel and what she inspires within you.  Take ownership of those feelings and don’t ever feel you need to apologize for finding her sexy.

The combination of these two mindsets will help a woman feel both respected and turned on, and will go a long way in getting her excited to sext with you.

The TXT Book

Learn Text Message Mastery With 2 FREE Strategy Guides

There’s so much conflicting information out there about what to do once you get the number.

  • How long should you wait to contact her?
  • What should you say?
  • How do you know if she likes you — and what should you do if she doesn’t respond to your texts?

The real answers to these question might surprise you! Luckily, we’ve been spent years testing every conceivable scenario in the Art of Charm laboratories. We’ve compiled all out best strategies into 2 Free Reports. Ready to become a Texting God? Start texting girls tonight.
Want real-life examples of everything covered in this article – plus a whole lot more tips and advice on texting and sexting with women? Then pick up your very own copy of The Text book here.

Brian M - author of 194 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attracting women was something he could learn Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm Podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he’s made in his own life since the program he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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  • Mikael

    I don’t agree with the whole appologizing thing. Just ignore and go back to normal playful teasing. Be unapologetic. Mindset “I think you’re sexy. That’s it, care what you want about that. Still the truth”. But don’t push it. Never had a woman get upset when I go sexual over text, and if you ease into it she will be up for it. She can tell it’s building up to it. But if I’d get a “That’s to much dude” or something I’d simply text back “Well, you’re a sexy cookie in my eyes. (and then write something playful or sincere)”.