Online Dating Advice for Men

Below is some online dating advice for men that you likely won’t see anywhere else.  It’s different from most online dating advice for men because it covers both techniques and mindsets that will help you succeed in online dating.  Plus, there’s an exercise at the end that will deepen your understanding of what women are looking for online.  It can help you truly master online dating.

Make women chase you through online dating

The world of online dating is filled with guys who are desperately seeking out any attractive girl.  These guys provide no challenge to women and as a result women find them boring.  So if you want to get a girl’s attention online and even get her chasing you, show you’re not like the others.  Show her that you’re not willing to settle for any woman; you’re out there looking for the right woman.  Show her that if a girl is going to win you over, she’s got to be special.

Now this starts before you even begin online dating.  Before creating an online dating profile, take the time and figure out exactly what you want in a woman (her personality, hobbies, values, etc).

Once you know what you want in the women you meet online, add some of that information to your online dating profile.  List the qualities you want in a woman as well as any “deal breakers” that you won’t tolerate from women online.  (When listing this information in your online dating profile you want to do it in a positive way.  If you don’t want girls that flake, don’t say “I hate flakey girls” as that can make you sound bitter.  Instead frame it positively, saying something like “I’m looking for a girl with integrity who keeps her word”).

When women see you know what you want and are actively filtering girls out, they’ll view you as a high-value guy.  The women you meet online will begin to work for your attention because they know that in order to keep you interested – a woman has got to be special.

When meeting a woman online, keep her off the pedestal

One of the most common online dating mistakes guys make is putting a girl on a pedestal.  Just because the girl is attractive and mentioned a few things in her profile that really resonated with him he’ll start telling himself how incredible and perfect this girl is.  This can cause a few problems with online dating.  For one, he may find himself sending a long, rambling, and needy first message declaring how perfect they are for one another (which will creep her out).  Or he’ll simply find himself wasting the day, checking his inbox to see if she replied to his message.

To avoid this common online dating trap there’s a few things you can do.  Often, just realizing what’s happening and reminding yourself that you don’t actually know anything about her can be enough.  If you’re still hung up on her, try ascribing some silly characteristics to her (maybe she has a weird laugh, or an unhealthy obsession with unicorns) just to humanize her.

But always keep in mind that the best thing you can do in these situations is to simply find other women.  Whether its finding women online or elsewhere, the more women you meet the less likely you are to get hung up on that one girl.

How to send a first message in online dating

The first message in online dating is really much simpler than most guys make it out to be.  Most guys think you need to send an amazing first message to get a woman’s attention.  But that’s not the case.  You just need to separate yourself from other guys and get a conversation rolling.

Follow these guidelines you’ll be sure to send good first message to girls online:

  • First, scan her online dating profile and see what jumps out at you.  Then look to bring this up in your first message the girl.  Showing you actually read her profile (most guys don’t), and that you’re interested in her and not just her looks will help your message stand out.

  • End your message in a way that compels her to respond.  Believe it or not, a simple open ended question like “That’s a cool picture, where was it taken?” or “how’s your day been?” will work.  If you want your first message to a girl to have a bit more kick to it, you can always offer her a challenge.  For instance if she mentions she’s a dancer in her profile, you can challenge her with “you like to dance? Very well, I challenge you to a dance-off!”

  • Keep your first message to a girl online short.  2-3 sentences is fine.  If you’re feeling talkative, maybe two paragraphs that size.  Anything longer looks like you’re trying too hard.

  • Overall, keep the vibe fun, playful, and light. Just have fun and see if you can get a conversation going.

Meeting up with women online

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that the girls you meet online are going to move things forward for you.  If you’re going to meet up with a woman you met online, more than likely you’re going to need to take charge and ask for the number/date yourself.

A good time to ask a girl you met online for her number (or a date) is on the 3rd or 4th message.  Having a brief back-and-forth allows you to build attraction and familiarity and increases the odds she’ll say yes.  It also shows that you require women to put in a bit of effort before you invite them out (showing that you’re a high-value, selective guy).

Learn more about online dating with a fake profile

If you want to learn more about online dating, a fun thing to do is to set up a fake profile.  Get a random picture of an attractive woman, create and online dating profile for her, and watch what happens.  You’ll get flooded with emails from guys who are interested.

Flipping through these emails can give you some great online dating advice for men.  You can figure out what a good first message looks like, and what kind of messages to avoid.  You can even take a look at some of the other guys’ profiles for ideas on how to improve your own.

This exercise will also give you a good insight into what it’s like for women to date online.  By understanding a woman’s perspective and experience, you’ll have a better idea of what women are looking for.  Then you’ll be able to show women exactly that.

(For a ton more tips on how to meet women online, check out the Pickup Podcast episodes here and here)

 

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Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attracting women was something he could learn Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm Podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he’s made in his own life since the program he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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